Ok, I have to admit straight out- I've seen this latest installment of Assholes Get Drunk on Smirnoffs And Behave Like Reckless Children about four times, and I'm still not quite sure what's going on. Maybe it's because each of these commercials literally makes me tear up in despair, they are so far off the Brain-Dead Stupid Meter. But I'll give it a shot:
It seems that this time, the lucky (?) survivors of Commercial # 1 (diving down slick highways of plastic sheeting, risking paralysis in the name of Something Had To Be Done) and Commercial # 2 (dumping purple paint all over an abandoned gas station, wearing miner's goggles and jumping up and down like clueless preschoolers) are actually doing some work- pushing pencils and making photocopies for some totally unkewl soulless corporate behemoth. Clearly, once again, something "must be done." As near as I can tell, what "must be done" is taking every piece of foam in the office, carrying the tons of scrap to the roof, and throwing it all in a huge pile. Then what? Well, since a thousand bottles or so of Smirnoffs vodka has magically appeared in this OFFICE BUILDING, the natural answer to "then what?" is to hurl ourselves into the pile of foam!!
Smirnoffs naturally concludes this ad, which not only lacks the tiniest shred of social value but I'm convinced has pushed my soul closer to hell's outer ring, with the words "Be There." Um, be WHERE? WHERE is this HAPPENING in REAL LIFE? WHERE are people getting drunk in the middle of the fricking day, in the middle of an office building, and then throwing themselves into piles of trash on the roof?
I can only hope that before Labor Day, Smirnoffs concludes this ad campaign (which, seriously, has left me convinced that there Is No God, because God Would Not Allow Such Things as these commercials to Exist) by having this entire crowd of worthless choads engage in a wild, "I can't believe I was there" gas-pump free-for-all, a la Zoolander. Heck, instead of gasoline, just have these witless losers douse eachother with Smirnoffs. Then light a match. That commercial would restore my soul and my faith in ad agencies. And it's not like anyone can argue that ALL of these idiots deserve to die a horrible death. Right now.