Typical thirtysomething guy sits down at a table with a bunch of typical thirtysomething friends of mixed ethnicity (of course) at Olive Garden. "I know what I want already" he says.
Waitress: "Have you heard about our endless pasta bowl?"
Guy is gobsmacked- Endless Pasta Bowl? Wow, this is going to cause some major rethinking! "Friends" find this funny and burst out laughing, which suggests that they decided not to wait to get sloshed on Olive Garden's cheap wine selection and instead got tanked before dinner.
Ok, let's stop right here. "Have you ever heard about our endless pasta bowl?" ranks right up there with the cashier at MacDonald's asking me if I've ever heard of the Big Mac, or a kid at Seven-Eleven asking me if I'm aware that store sells hot coffee. Seriously, has this guy been in a cave for his entire life?
Back to the current situtation, in which this guy must now find a way to save face for his "I know what I want already" boasting (how dare he? How could anyone be so certain before looking at Olive Garden's extensive menu of crap faux-Italian food?) He pulls it off with aplomb- "I know what I want...FIRST." More laughter from his clearly shit-faced friends (if they aren't drunk, he certainly picked them well, as they seem capable of bursting into laughter at every mildly amusing thing he says. Maybe he's the boss back at the office, and his "friends" are actually butt-kissing supplicants.)
Come on. When you go to Olive Garden, it's for one purpose- to get cheap-tasting food at a reasonable price. If you want GOOD Italian food, you aren't going to the Olive Garden. Which means you don't go there for a nice steak, or good seafood. You go there for pasta. Lots and lots of pasta. And breadsticks. Because you're too damned lazy to make it at home, and don't mind shelling out ten bucks because at least you don't have to do the dishes when it's over, and you can pretend you treated yourself to a night out. But let's not make it more than it is. It's all the spaghetti and rolls you want, without waiting for the next church dinner. Period.
When you walk in, you know what you'll get. Because, really, it's all they've got.