Friday, July 15, 2011

Dad makes an ass of himself, Part 6,789

Mom starts things off here by announcing that her family wants really good seafood. She's very excited at the idea of eating really amazing seafood, and hopes that of the roughly 80 seafood restaurants within driving distance of their home, there is one that is "serving up" the really amazing seafood she craves.

Dad jumps in to ruin everything, announcing that while really amazing seafood would be great, times are tight and he's really more interested in keeping the cost down. He wants the really amazing seafood for "around ten bucks." This is the common denominator in all Golden Corral commercials- sometimes the family wants baby back ribs. Sometimes they want "comfort food" like meatloaf and macaroni and cheese. Sometimes they want the Ultimate White Trash Thanksgiving. But they ALWAYS want it for Junk Food Money.

This time it's a massive frying pan that comes crashing down, eliminating the competition (which, most likely, makes perfectly good, maybe even great, seafood- but because it's quality, it's not available at ten bucks a plate.) And once again, the smarmy creep of uncertain ethnicity is the only one left standing with a stupid grin on his face, twitching his eyebrows in delighted smugness, knowing that he's about to have the "pleasure" of catering to yet another family of cheap slobs.

And I'm sorry, but while I'm used to stupid punchlines wrapping up these awful commercials, the one the writers handed the dad in this one really pisses me off. "BAM!" delivered in a manner so loud it startles mom- and probably causes every other customer to look up from their troughs to see what the hell just happened? Jesus, what kind of moron would ever do something like this in real life- not only shouting in the middle of a restaurant, but shouting something that has no utility to anyone at the table, and in fact does nothing but announce that Dad Is A Really Cheap Idiot With No Taste Who Gets Easily Excited Over The Idea Of Paying Very Little For Garbage?

"BAM!?" We really can't do better than this, Golden Corral? And I thought "That's Hot!" and "Glad we dropped in!" were bad. This is just embarrassing.


  1. It's also depressing as Hell; everyone knows that these places are where you go if you don't have the time or money to eat good food so what we're seeing is what bothered Seinfeld about soda ads: trying to make carbonated sugar water and crappy, tasteless, greasy food seem a lot better than we know it is.

  2. I actually just went to one of these joints the other day. They dont have them in Jersey so while I was visiting g-ma in Florida I would try it out. I mean come on. Out of a 100 feet of buffet there has to be something I like. Wow was I wrong. Every single item at this roach infested, dollar store restaurant is absolutely disgusting. Even the desserts. Even the drinks were watered down to hell. This trip to Florida has been a real eye opener. To think I used to be shocked that 5 out of ten Americans are on food stamps. We should really bomb this awful state right off the map. Everyone here is on unemployment or disability or food stamps or welfare or all of the above. Everyone has 18 children. Everyone makes less then 30,000 a year. And the most interesting thing of all... Everyone has seizures. Pretty much every person, young and old that I have met has some story about how they passed out one day and had seizures and now they can never hold down a job again.

  3. I don't know... "Bam!" is a trademark phrase of Emeril Lagasse, a celebrity chef who's renowned for his Cajun and Creole cooking. Maybe that "Bam" by the Dad is a sly, playful tribute to Emeril, whose wonderful recipes probably served as quite an inspiration to GC and their seafood menu.

  4. They've really dressed up the blue plate special, haven't they?

  5. What I find most amusing in these commercials is the "around ten bucks" line. Their buffet is $10.99 plus a $1.99 beverage plus sales tax. For a family of four, that winds up to be "around 50 bucks" plus tip. False advertising.

  6. Jason- I figured that "around ten bucks" actually meant "under twenty bucks." I've also always hated the use of the word "bucks" instead of "dollars"- it just adds to the sense that this place- and Dad- are both really cheap.

    And if it's going to cost fifty bucks, here's a suggestion- dump the Accidental Miracles off with the grandparents, and take your wife to a half-decent restaurant. Better yet, wait a few more months, save a little more money, and take her to a really nice place for dinner. The Precious Little Ones don't need to be eating this crap anyway.