Monday, July 11, 2011

Or just admit that you really don't want to leave your house, ever

This whole RV thing has always mystified me. I can't for the life of me understand the appeal of driving a smaller, more cramped, far less comfortable and convenient version of your house to National Parks, into the woods, etc. etc.

For me, there are two ways to see the country. If you are healthy, you strap on a backpack, lace up your hiking boots, and walk through it. You capture the glories of peaceful, unspoiled nature with a camera. You don't barrel through the wilderness, demonstrating Man's mastery over it by crushing it under the wheels of your SUV. And you don't drive your kitchen, living room and bedroom through it, parking it for the evening on some poor groundhog's den and then walk around bitching because trees don't come with electrical outlets.

The second way is if you are old and/or infirm-- you fly to specific sites, and you stay with relatives or in hotels. Hey, I like nature, but I also like to take showers and eat hot food which wasn't dehydrated and sealed in a bag first.

But you really shouldn't try to have it both ways. You want to get away, GET AWAY- leave the familiar surroundings behind for a few days. Don't clog up the highways with your painfully slow, petrol-guzzling mini-houses. Don't frighten the birds and animals with the roar of your gas-powered generators. And stop acting like turtles who can't travel without your fricking shells already.

Or just stay home. Even better.


  1. As someone who's spent most of his life watching idiots in road slugs tear-ass across the landscape like they were too good to actually leave their homes, I thank you for this. I mean, my God, some of them even tow their cars behind their RVs so they can pretend that they're both at home and on vacation at the same time!!

  2. I'm waiting for the invention of roll-out driveways that can be spread out over forest floors, crushing more wildlife so that the RV owner has a place to park his monstrosity. It can be colored pavement gray and come with a dozen or so decorative plastic pink flamingos to line the sides. Maybe a three-foot windmill and a mailbox, too.

    It will all make such a pretty picture as the family huddles inside, watching their HDTV powered by the incredibly loud, gas-powered electric generator outside.

  3. Sir, since your above comment, 3 ads for generators have appeared at the bottom of the page. :)

    P.S. it is a fact that there are more plastic flamingos than real ones.