Thursday, July 21, 2011

Innocent Bystander at the Disaster Date?

I've gone off on online dating sites before, but I think Zoosk deserves it's own post, because the company seems to be specializing in creating relationships for what is a surprisingly large population of extremely good-looking yet oddly available extroverted sluts. Unlike eHarmony, Zoosk seems determined to sell itself as a site featuring only very hot, very sexually available young people who, inexplicably, can't seem to find dates on their own.

Oh, and it seems that Zoosks' clientele must be at least as stupid and vapid as it is attractive. Exhibit A is today's featured ad, which features a woman explaining to her friend how a little tryst at the office went bad. I guess.

Here's how the "office romance" worked- the woman in question could barely wait for the door of the copy room to close before crawling all over the object of her- umm, affection? Except for the fact that the instigator is a woman, this would make for a rather comical situation- in a 1970s sitcom. In the age of sexual harassment lawsuits, all this seems incredibly crass and retro and out of place.

When the two "lovers" emerge from the copy room, the woman looks like she's rather hastily dressed herself, and the guy has inky palm prints on his ass. Again- imagine the sexes being reversed here. Now try to imagine this ad running in the United States, in the year 2011. Not Likely.

Remembering this "comical" (actually "unprofessional," "inappropriate," "insulting," "degrading" all come to mind before the word "comical," but I'm trying to figure out what the makers of this mess were going for) scene, Our Heroine tells her friend "I think I'll just stick to Zoosk...." And now this all gets very confusing. From what we see, the Office Romance seems to have gone quite well- not only did she hit it off with her fellow coworker, but they did it in the office, on the company's dime. If it was a little bit awkward, that was only because of a stunning lack of foresight and common sense on the part of the frisky couple. There's no indication that she didn't have a really good time, or that she doesn't like the guy she apparently just banged on the Xerox machine. She doesn't look embarrassed (seriously, how could she, after all but announcing to the entire Sales Department that "me and this guy are about to have sex in here, people!?") Yet, remembering the reaction of her fellow employees, she decides that she is no longer interested in Jack from Accounting, and would have better luck hooking up with some anonymous creep posting at a dating website?

Or maybe she and Jack got canned five seconds after she walked out of the copy room with her blouse hanging out, and pissed-off Jack blamed her for the scandal which cost him his job?

Or maybe, in recalling this sordid little episode, she forgets to mention the six weeks of sensitivity training the office is requiring her to go through if she doesn't want to be hitting the unemployment line?

Or maybe, just after the climax, she noticed that ewwww Jack from Accounting has a small amount of gray hair, and is therefore Nowhere Near As Attractive as she thought he was?

I don't get what's going on here at all. If this woman likes Jack from Accounting, why can't they date (and by "date," I mean go out to eat, take in a movie, and have sex like normal people- in a bed, in private?) This woman actually acts like she's the victim of somebody else's bad decision- "I let down my hair, locked myself in the copy room with this guy, and we molested each other for about three minutes. Boy, THAT was sure a disaster- I'd better stick to Zoosk from now on!" What am I missing here?


  1. What I'm taking away from all of this is that Crazy Woman doesn't want her co-workers to realize that she's a pathetic nymphomaniac; that little tidbit is best shared with a website that has a ridiculous name.

  2. I think Zoosk may be the only internet dating site which hires Playboy Playmates to appear in their commercials, instead of getting actual customers to do testimonials. I wonder why that would be- no actual satisfied customers willing to go on camera? No actual satisfied customers at all?

  3. I wonder if the company lost any business because nobody wanted to go into the sticky copy room that smelled like sweaty ass.

    "They docked my wages because they said they had to replace the carpeting!"