Sunday, July 3, 2011

Just paint the bottles red, white and blue and get it over with

Ugh, I can't think of any company that has spent more time and energy over the last year trying to cash in on America's military adventurism, can you?

Miller's loud-mouthed, jackass beer delivery man (and arbiter of the proper use of watered-down Miller products) ostentatiously proclaims Miller Lite's love affair with "veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan." In a previous ad, this dick was satisfied with shaking the hands of one of these vets at an airport while admiring him with doe eyes. Apparently, the good people at Miller didn't think the message was received clearly enough, so it's been ramped up and amplified.

So this time, listen carefully, America:

Miller Lite LOVES THE VETS, OK? Not only LOVES THEM, but WORSHIPS THEM! Miller wants to salute the vets in every way possible, providing them "a piece of the High Life," and expressing appreciation in every PUBLIC forum available. But most importantly, Miller wants YOU, the VIEWER, to UNDERSTAND and APPRECIATE exactly how MUCH Miller Supports our VeteransTM. And they'll keep showing this appreciation- again, in the loudest, crassest, most over-the-top showy way imaginable- as long as we, the audience, keep sending in bottle caps.

As I said in a previous post concerning the same product- Hey Miller, if you were one-tenth as committed to "supporting the vets" and "giving them a piece of the High Life" as you were in wrapping yourself in the fricking flag and running for Most Patriotic Beer Company Ever in the hearts and minds of American beer drinkers, you'd quietly cut a check to the VA, pay for seats to sporting events, and provide cheap transportation for the Vets You Care So Very Deeply About. You wouldn't be pulling this More American Than Thou BS, and you wouldn't be so eager to use Our Vets as camouflage-clad backdrops to help you pimp your crappy beer.

On this Fourth of July weekend, a commercial exploiting America's soldiers is about as welcome as a Glenn Beck Restoring Honor rally, and about as sincere as an NYPD baseball cap on an obese tea-partier. Give it a rest, and save the flashy, cheap bunting for the car dealerships, ok?


  1. Ah, my; they always did say that patriotism was the last refuge of a scoundrel. Sadly for all of us, Miller was determined to prove the saying true. That being said, it's not as if they WANT to be honest; the tagline "It's five in the morning and you've just pissed on a dumpster; It's Miller Time!!" wouldn't go over too well.

  2. My husband (aka: the disabled guy) is a vet from Desert Shield/Storm. He's 100% disabled from his time in the Army, specifically, his time in the Gulf War. (he spent 8 1/2 years in the Army).

    My dad is a Vietnam veteran and spent 21 years of his life in the Army.

    My dad didn't get anything upon his return from 'Nam.

    My spouse didn't get anything upon his return from the Gulf.

    Actually, that's not true. My dad got two weeks off to pick up his wife and head out to his next duty station in Colorado. My spouse got two days off before having to go back into work and "process equipment" for a week, then he got two weeks off.

    So, thanks, Miller! My family appreciates your love of veterans. Now excuse me, I have to go help my disabled guy trim his fingernails because he can't do that one-handed.

  3. So theres only three different reactions available to check? funny, intresting, and cool. How bout you add stupid in there as well.
    Let me just correct you and let you know this ad campaign has nothing at all to do with Miller Lite... its Miller High Life a completly differnt tasting and heavier beer.
    I do understand there ploy to seem as if there more patriotic then the other guys. Actually because its completly true.
    “Give a Veteran a Piece of The High Life” program, provides the means that pay soldiers' way into sports events, concerts, outdoor adventures and more. For every High Life cap or tab dropped off at participating retailers or mailed in, Miller High Life will donate 10 cents toward High Life Experiences for returning vets.
    And these events do occur, and all those other wasted caps from almost every other bevarage company just end up as trash.
    Maybe your biased tword Miller, which is fine, but when other beer companies are spending money on ads that make us laugh, this one is actually promoting something that would benifit others.
    Just paint the cans red, white, and blue? thats why i wish there was a stupid box to check at the end of the article. High life has a returning costomer base and hasnt changed its can or bottle very much since 1903.
    Obviously i may be a bit biased... I live in Milwaukee (home of Miller brewing company), and i actually am a returning vet from afghanistan. Me and my friend ( a vet of iraq ) have been collecting and turing in bottle tops and caps we collect as much as we can.
    Here in Milwaukee at every bar, there is a place to deposit these caps. And there are always many in there before we add ours.
    Maybe you hate this commercial, thats understandable, however most commercials suck balls and have there own agenda anyway. This one actually promotes a pretty damn good campaign effort for people intrested in actually DOING something for veterans, rather than just puting a yellow ribbion bought from a gas station on there car.

  4. Oh, big deal. Ten whole cents from every cap--whoopee. Don't throw your backs out patting yourselves on them, Miller. Let's be honest--this is cause marketing--using vets to sell beer.