Friday, October 28, 2011

Have you hugged a gas company executive today?

Hey, we all like white kids, right? I mean, we all like white kids when they do adorable things like look up at the sky and daydream, and stack books so that they can reach other books, and become sunny-faced, innocently flirtatious teenagers who walk through fields in slow motion and graduate from High School wearing purple gowns and lay in circles in those fields we were just talking about, right?

Well, all that shit takes energy, you know. And the only energy that is really available, and isn't just an Al Gore yeah right pipe dream funded by George Soros and the other billionaire Commiecrats, is Oil. So shut up about spills and the rape of the environment and air pollution and and global warming (do I have to refer to Al Gore again?) Unless you hate fresh-faced white kids, education, and everything that makes Alaska---err, AMERICA-- the Officially Sanctioned Greatest Country That Ever Was.

But just in case you ARE one of those America-Hating What Do You Want Us To Live In Caves Global Warming Loons, don't despair- we are spending billions of dollars improving our Natural Gas technology as well. Because Natural Gas is the Cleanest Practical Energy available, if only the Government and the Tree Huggers would stop their whining about fracking and flammable water coming out of faucets, the Progress-Hating Nanny State babies.

Oh, and both industries create jobs. Don't you like jobs? Don't you want children provided for? Don't you want America to have a future? Then shut your hole and back off. If you MUST say something, how about a "thank you?" I mean, this stuff doesn't come out of the ground by itself, you know.


  1. Another thing that you're supposed to ignore is that America has to befriend all sorts of horrible people to get all that wonderful oil; one of the more memorable people that you're supposed to have tolerated begged for his life when the people he called rats dragged him out of a storm drain or something and shot him dead.

  2. Wow, things sure have changed since I grew up in Alaska. I never walked slow-motion through a field of flowers with my friends. And our graduation wasn't outdoors, it was inside the Sullivan Arena because our classes had grown too big to fit in the high school gymnasium.

    Because in May, in Alaska, the ground is too wet and muddy to hold an outdoor graduation ceremony.

    Maybe they moved the school year around and these kids are actually graduating in July.

    Thank you, Oil Company, for trying to destroy my pleasant childhood memories of Springtime in Alaska.

  3. There hasnt been that much sunshine and/or smiles in the state of Alaska in the last ten years combined.