Thursday, October 13, 2011

Wow, what WOULDN'T this guy do for a Klondike bar?

The Hate is strong with this one.

It's as if the good people at Klondike suddenly noticed that in Commercial Land, Males who really can't bear to be with their wives/girlfriends are a time-honored tradition that they somehow managed to overlook in thirty years of advertising. Eliminating all subtlety, the ad agency hired by Klondike, given it's marching orders to catch up with the rest of the world, threw together this horrid thirty seconds of Stupid.

Ugly, fat, unshaven slob Hubby absolutely, positively cannot BEAR to listen to anything the woman he once apparently wanted to spend the rest of his life with has to say. To him, the voice of the woman who's first "I Love You" resulted in a rapid heartbeat now makes fingernails across a chalkboard sound like the most beautiful music ever created. Listening to her prattle on for more than FIVE SECONDS is pure agony for this guy, who judging from his waistline and posture clearly married only to have someone to wash his clothes, incubate his babies, and refill his beer glass so he won't risk missing a play during Monday Night Football. What, she wants to TALK too? Ugh, I think you just found the thorn in the rose of your "relationship," buddy! It speaks!

This is another one of those commercials that steps beyond the realm of Inoffensively Dumb and reaches Cruel, Mean-spirited, and just plain Sad. It's bad enough that the jerkwad who wrote this nasty pile of dung is probably married with kids and has no idea how awful it is. It's worse to think that Klondike believes it's just following the crowd by portraying men as such insufferably self-absorbed, distant, cold-hearted dicks. "Hey look, America- we get the whole Men Are Insensitive Assholes bit, too! So buy our product!" Ugh.

Oh, and Klondike? Making that product look like a kitchen sponge drenched in chocolate syrup? Not the best idea, either.


  1. You know, my husband never listens to what I say. I have to repeat myself nearly every time I speak to him- sometimes, I have to re-word what I say, just to say the same thing I just tried to communicate to him.

    The difference is that he's got brain damage from a massive stroke that should have killed him, but instead left him disabled. It has been nearly 17 years since his stroke (he was 28 years old, for those not in the know).

    Where the hell is my Klondike Bar?!

    Oh, dammit, I got confused. He deserves two Klondike Bars for having to listen to me repeat myself so often.

  2. I'd like to see a commercial from this woman's perspective, in which she's required to LOOK at her husband's face for five seconds to earn a Klondike Bar. I wonder if she could put up with what would feel like an eternity of this guy's fat, unshaven, balding, vacant puss.

    BTW, the word "listen" is abused here- this guy isn't trying to "listen" to his wife for five seconds, he's trying to avoid yelling "shut up you're boring!" or "shut up it's time for me to talk!" I doubt he has any idea what she is saying, he sure doesn't look like he's taking any of it in.

    Again- a lot of hate here.

  3. There used to be an ad campaign up here that had a candy company executive sell his soul to the Devil to learn the trade secret Cadbury dangled in front of us for on and ever; I only mention this because dealing with Beelzebub would be a step up from consorting with this dickchoad.