Saturday, October 1, 2011

When a simple "Bite Me" is all that's called for

I don't know, it seems to me that this Chevy Volt owner is awfully darned defensive about his choice of automobile. I can think of several better responses he could have given to this kid, his equally loathsome, dickweed dad, and the moron who runs the station until his boss checks the security tape and realizes he's chasing away customers with his stunning lack of business sense.

"Just here to rub our nose in the fact that you don't have to buy gas, make you feel better?"

Response: look sheepish and reply "um, actually it costs about $1.50 a electricity..." while inexplicably offended dickweed dad and chip off the old block son look on, unconvinced.

Better Response: "Yes, I've pulled into this gas station, which also obviously sells groceries, to impress and humiliate two total strangers. And you've played along perfectly, asking me about my car instead of minding your own f---ing business. Thank you- I feel MUCH better. Of course, you did that for me without even opening your mouths- I mean, what's with that shirt, and you could sure stand to lose a few pounds, fatso."

"He's just here to use the bathroom."

Good quick response: "And you have a problem with that....why, exactly? And why is it so difficult for two people who just bought Big Gulps to understand why anyone would be using this facility without buying gasoline? Did YOU buy gasoline? Never mind- I can't imagine why I'd care. After all, I don't even know you."

"No gas, no bathroom" (from the loser attendant.)

Response: "Ok, then...I' gas...."

Better Response: "Your boss clearly didn't teach you the economics of the retail gasoline industry, did he, moron? You see, gas stations actually make virtually nothing from gas sales. Their profit margins come from customers who buy groceries, or through auto repair services. Gas stations that depend on gas to make money are practically extinct. Didn't know this, did you, you brainless, clueless, rude fur ball?"

Then I'd leave. I sure as hell wouldn't buy gas from any station employee who treated me like this, basically joining two other customers in ganging up on me because....I have an electric car? Notice that the Volt owner doesn't even SAY he wants to use the bathroom- the station attendant just jumps in because...well, because he doesn't care about selling him chips, candy, soda or anything else offered in the f--ing store, I guess.

Instead, this guy is going to buy some gas- so he can use the bathroom, I guess. Or maybe he's afraid of being beaten up by the drooling idiots who can't accept the whole Electric Car concept as something more than a slap at their own vehicle choice. Frankly, I don't understand why the Volt guy feels the need to explain ANYTHING to these Offended For Absolutely No Reason jackasses- it's not like there isn't another Gas And Groceries stop 200 yards down the freaking road. Maybe even one that WANTS customers and doesn't verbally spit on them if they don't want to buy any zero sum game gasoline. Stupid.

1 comment:

  1. About the only people that might be more enraged than we are are people who actually work at service stations; while not having specifically asked them, I can just tell that they'd probably hate this ad because of the way it makes them look.