Thursday, September 29, 2011

More evidence that McDonalds really, really hates us

Again- McDonalds is Not. Even. Trying. with these ads.

First, we have an insane little girl trapped in a woman's body who really should just never, ever open her mouth in public, ever. "Mr. Snuggles?" "Chipmunk?" I mean, what the hell IS that? And buddy- you're "smart enough to notice" that your favorite iced tea is now on the dollar menu (has been for years, btw- not that this saves his bizarre non-sequitor) but you're not smart enough to notice that the woman you are with is A FREAKING LUNATIC WITH ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT ISSUES?

Well, considering that she seems to enjoy being taken to dinner at McDonalds and being treated to the Dollar Menu (isn't this more of a grandfather/granddaughter thing than a boyfriend/girlfriend thing?) maybe you guys are just made for each other. How about this- you're smart enough to realize that you can't attract an actual adult female, so this little girl with her nausea-inducing nicknames but pleasingly low date expectations is about the best you can do?

Second, two other alleged "adults" are sitting in what looks like a pretty substantial kitchen, incomprehensibly making a meal of items selected from the Dollar Menu. Apparently one of them decided that a drive through the rain to purchase this junk was a better option than simply making a meal out of what is in the refrigerator, because we are informed by the male that aw darn, it's raining, so "we can't paint the garage."

And now the hate bubbles to the surface. Quickly, the Female must come up with a reason to make The Guy She Chose To Live And Eat Disgusting Non-Food With continue to regret ever meeting her. Like Chipmunk Child in the earlier ad, she's "smart enough to know" that all that crud littering the table cost a dollar each, so she MUST be able to respond to her sex partner in a way which reminds him that She's In Charge, right?

Yep- "Well, I guess we'll just have to go shopping for window treatments, then." Haha, got you, fat boy. Hope you enjoyed that five seconds you thought you had some say in what you were going to do with your life today. Thank goodness Woman You Woke Up One Day Chained To has set you straight- oh, can't paint the garage? Fine- get your ass in the car, we are shopping for window treatments. And when that's done? Don't worry, the Honey Do List is never ending. And by the way, your input is totally unnecessary. We don't want to hear it again, ok?

In both ads, it's strongly implied that there is humor at play here. We are supposed to find these scenes amusing. Maybe someone out there does, but I really doubt it- for one, even the YouTube posters, who generally find Everything LOL SO FRICKING HILARIOUS, want the people featured to just die, now. For the other, comments have been disabled- which is never a good sign. And man, if you can't get positive responses for your commercial from the gas-sniffing knuckle-draggers who post on YouTube, your commercials REALLY SUCK, McDonalds.

Is it too much to imagine that both these ads were written by men who really, really hate women? I mean, the guys don't come off as the sharpest tools in the shed by any means- but compared to the females they are with, they are candidates for MENSA membership and Nobel Peace Prizes. What is with these women? One is an immature, blithering idiot who acts like she should be heading home to her house full of cats, all of whom have "Mr." or "Miss" in their names. The other is a bossy control freak. Taken together, they make up one big lump of Unattractive.

And taken together, these ads make up one big lump of Vile. They sure don't make me want to head off to McDonalds to partake in the Dollar Menu. Admittedly, that would take quite a commercial. But these ads don't even make the effort. All they do is make me loathe the people in them, and the company that subjected me to these time-wasting nuggets of dumb.

(BTW, what the hell are "window treatments?")


  1. What a great message to send: we despise you but eat our greasy food anyway.

  2. Hey, instead of shopping for window treatments, maybe the couple in the second ad could check out some cookbooks?

  3. BTW, if "Mr Snuggles" is "the best" because he's treating this nice mental patient to the Dollar Menu, what other relationships has she been in? Kind of a scary thought, isn't it?