Friday, September 2, 2011

Dodge's next vehicle should just be called the "Attitude"

Anyone else sick of the same smug, self-satisfied authoritative voice giving us yet another twenty second version of "what the hell is wrong with you why don't you own one of these things already, you must be a clueless retard" while showing us a vehicle that Dammit As Long As Gasoline is Hovering at Just Under Four Bucks a Gallon we don't want?

Anyone else remember how cars didn't come with voice-operated GPS, seat warmers, OnStar, Hands-Free Cellphone service, Satellite Radio, and a thousand other things that needed tinkering with while we are just trying to get from Point A to Point B?

Anyone else thinking what I'm thinking every time I see this stupid little nub of an ad- that if you DON'T have someone riding Shotgun in your Dodge Whatever, you are going to be spending a LOT of time and energy doing things that don't involve keeping your eyes on the freaking road?

And getting back to my original point- anyone else sick of having Dodge all but say out loud that if you don't already have one of these things sitting in the driveway of your suburban paradise, you must be already dead, or just too f--ing stupid to take the hint embedded in Every. Single. One. of Dodge's "These vehicles are so awesome we really don't understand why we even have to advertise them, except that the American consumer is pretty damned clueless" spots.

Here's a tip, Dodge: Kill the attitude. Your cars and trucks aren't so very hot, and a lot of us simply don't need all those stupid extras, and sure as hell don't want to pay for them. And while you're at it, kill the spokesman, too, ok? Because the confident, bored monotone just isn't working.


  1. If I'm not mistaken, the spokesperson is the actor who plays "Dexter". My daughters are crazy-fans of his and half the show is him telling us what's going on in voice-over. Which is why I recognized the voice. The TV is to my left, so I sort of absorb sounds while I'm working on the computer.

    That said- I long for the days when we could fix the problem in our vehicles ourselves without having to take out a second mortgage just to get the car looked at by a "professional". Mine is a 2004 and basically the only thing I can do on my own is change the oil.

    "When you call 'shotgun'..." People still do that into adulthood? My kids don't even do that anymore and they're 22, 20 and 18 years old.

  2. A lot of cars now have the oil filters in a virtually impossible-to-reach-from-above position now, so a layman can't even change his own oil. I remember being able to change the oil on my 1985 Toyota Tercel, removing the filter easily with a simple filter wrench. Those days are long gone. I just wonder how long it will be before it's impossible to add antifreeze and windshield wiper fluid without bringing the car in to the shop.

    1. I have a 2012 model. To get to the battery, you have to remove the fuse box. I'm not kidding.

  3. Cars are gadgets now, just like everything else -- your telephone, even. GM and Ford, in the 50's and 60's, produced foot-pedal radio tuning, electric roofs, steering column shifting, rotating seats, and air conditioning which could properly chill a good Bordeaux. Now it's all just an extension of the smart phone. If you find one of those in the streets, you're taking on a lot of responsibility.
    "Riding shotgun", "using fisticuffs", "throw down" and other retro-verbiage are terms of comfort, brought to you by television and all the fine companies advertising thereupon.