Sunday, September 18, 2011

Starting our Sunday with a little morsel of Stupid

Ugh, can we please enact a moratorium on calling babies "miracles?" I mean, if babies are "miracles," they are the most common "miracles" in the history of the universe. If babies are miracles, miracles take place every few seconds everywhere on the planet. If babies are miracles, then miracles have become much noisier, smellier, and time-and-money consuming since I used to read about them in Sunday School.

Seriously, can we stop with this "miracle" crap already? Here's what would be a miracle- if these two people continuously had sex and yet never managed to produce a rather large-headed, pale, bald mammal that was not made up of DNA from both parents. If eggs repeatedly failed to fertilize despite being assaulted by sperm, that would be quite a "miracle."

I understand that couples tend to get a little excited when they manage to produce one of these things. Really, I get that. What I do not understand is their insistence on butchering the English language by consistently referring to their offspring as "miracles." Because sorry- unless you use the same term to refer to seedlings becoming plants, or your dog producing a litter of puppies some months after the neighbor's Best Friend got through the hole in the fence, you aren't making a whole lot of sense here. And you are really watering down the concept of "Miracle."

Maybe the real "miracle" here is that this commercial features a guy, his wife, and their baby, and the guy doesn't come across as a COMPLETELY worthless loser who appears perfectly capable of injuring the kid through his own cluelessness if left alone with it for five minutes. I guess that's something.


  1. Oh, if you hate the "babies as miracles" thing, you'll be horrified to know this-

    There are women in this world (usually the ones who spell it "womyn" or "wombyn") who call themselves "heroes" for giving birth vaginally. That's right, they're "heroes" for doing what is biologically expected of them in the situation of "miracle production". There are women/yn/byn who aren't heroic enough to push a baby out without medical intervention.

    Slackers, I say! How dare they take the easy way out by developing "complications" and then so selfishly demanding a doctor cut her open and remove that miracle she's carrying!

    The miracle-baby people and the "vaginal birth heroes" need to all shut the hell up. A biological reaction to a previous biological reaction is not a miracle.

    You just know that those people are the ones who don't "own" their pets. They "adopt" them, which makes them "part of the family". (just when was the last time you left Miracle-Vagina baby in a locked house with a bowl of water and a fresh bowl of kibble?)

  2. Next thing you know, these brilliant people will call breathing and maintaining a pulse a miracle. Like you said, they've debased the word beyond recognition.