Saturday, October 29, 2011

The word "man" being used very loosely here...

Can someone PLEASE just kill these two fat losers? I mean, really- they are actually challenging each other's "manliness," using their willingness to construct their "lives" around playing a stupid, utterly pointless video game as the measuring stick.

Fat Slob No. 1 is in Wal Mart's parking lot at the moment that this new, brain-numbing, Pretend To Be Somehow Connected To Actual Soldiers offering by the soulless cretins who somehow managed to pick up the baton dropped by the last generation of game developers, who gave us silly, fun nonsense like Donkey Kong and Frogger. Fat Slob # 1 is convinced that because he picked up Battlefield 3 as soon as it was available (does anyone admit to doing this in real life?) he is more of a Man than Fat Slob # 2.

Ah, but wait one moment- Fat Slob # 2 has driven his mobile home, furnished with several large HD TVs, to the Wal Mart, saving himself that painful ride that most of us have to take back to our residences before we can play with our brand new toys. Fat Slob # 2 calls the mobile home his "Man Cave." Fat Slob # 1 and Fat Slob # 2 now engage in a dick-measuring contest, except that it's all about video games. Considering the importance these "men" place in video games, not to mention the double chins and expanding waistlines that no doubt come with the "Gamer" lifestyle, I'm not especially surprised that their view of what a "Man" is has nothing to do with Women.

(As a quick aside, let's update what "manliness" means in tv commercials these days: To be a man, one must a) treat women like crap, b) wear wrinkled shirts that are never tucked in, c) shave no more often than every fourth day, d) drink Miller Lite, and e) buy the latest "Look Mom I'm a Soldier" video game the moment it becomes available at Wal Mart. Glad I could help.)

Anyway, back to these disgusting, fat, loathsome wastes of skin. I am really looking forward to the day when the games that make up the center of their existence are available through quick downloads, so they never have to leave their "man caves" and blight the lives of us non-"Gamers" with their pasty, sweaty, Refuse to Shower Until I've Reached Level Four presence in the real world. And you know what? I bet they are, too.


  1. I do believe you are right...fortunately. Anything that keeps me from having to be in their presence is a good thing.

  2. Just think, Dreaded- there are people out there who are envious of that guy in the mobile home and think that his set up is, in the words of YouTube morons, EPIC.

  3. Dude do you hate everything that is fun, Contrary to your belief people above 18 can still play video games on their free time.

  4. Um, I know that people "can" still play video games in their free time, "dude." What I question is the importance placed on playing these games by the people in these commercials, who act as if their whole freaking lives revolve around getting the newest game the moment it's been released.

    And yeah, I do kind of have to "hate on" things that encourage people to sit on their asses in the dark gaining weight instead of interacting with actual people, face to face, and doing something that requires a heartbeat.

    Hope this clarifies things, "dude."

  5. Besides, why would anyone want to look as dumb as the protagonists of commercials; someone could make a horror film about a normal man caught inside the world of ads and make a packet.