Monday, March 26, 2012

Is this a commercial FOR or AGAINST DirectTV?

You're sitting at home, wasting your life looking for something good on television. Because you just have cable, there's basically never anything on worth watching, ever. And then it gets worse- your Nothing On Anyway cable goes out.

In despair, you pull your sorry ass off the couch and head down to the local watering hole. Somehow, having a few drinks in the company of fellow human beings instead of sitting all by yourself at home equates to being "up for anything." So now you transport your suddenly adventurous self off to a Turkish Bath (this is the most "adventurous" thing that the elderly Baptists who make commercials for DirectTV could think of.)

So far, I can't see any reason why you should be regretting your failure to get DirectTV. But I have faith. I'm sure it's coming.

At the Turkish Bath, you run into Charlie Sheen. And the next thing you know, you are such close buds that you find yourself back at Sheen's pad, re-enacting scenes from Platoon. Is this where you are supposed to wish you had DirectTV, because if your choice of television were better, you could have avoided all this and stayed at home?

Being Charlie Sheen's new best friend, I'm sure, totally sucks for you. Besides re-enacting scenes from his old movies, it probably involves meeting Sheen's glamorous friends, including a lot of hot girls. Well, you sure don't want that, do you? Better get DirectTV, and fast.

Message of this ad: If you don't have DirectTV, you might have to go outside. If you go outside, you might start having a life.

Don't start having a life.

Get DirectTV.

What am I missing here?


  1. "What am I missing here?"

    You might be missing the fact that Charlie Sheen was only 14 years old when Apocalypse Now was made. A generation has passed while you were watching reruns. Maybe you really do need to get rid of cable and get DirectTV.

  2. I think I'll continue to skip tv and have a life, thanks for the advice, though.

  3. If you have a life, you won't watch television. If you don't watch television, you won't feel the need to get DirectTV. If you don't feel the need to get DirectTV, that's less money in their pockets. With less money in their pockets, they have no choice but to go bankrupt, and if that happens, they'll have to get another job. If they have to get another job, then they won't make enough to take vacations to exotic locations anymore--and that would really suck, so don't get a life and do get DirectTV.

  4. Ah, I see- I meant to type "Platoon," not "Apocalypse Now." That's the second time in a month I've gotten a film reference wrong here, darn it. Thanks for the correction.

  5. Another ad in their campaign against having an active social life, eh? "Buy DirecTV or hang around an amusing crazy person and have interesting stories to tell......and to sell."