Saturday, March 17, 2012
Well, at least AT&T's Walking Dead don't look like they'd be interested in acquiring our BRAINS
Hey look, with AT&T's 4G service, being a technology-obsessed zombie isn't just for the office or the tailgate party anymore!
Now you can stare at your stupid phones/televisions/best friends as you walk your dog, or pretend to be spending quality time with your spouse. Now you can use that "vital" connectivity to keep watching the game while getting some fresh air. Now you can completely humiliate your kid by getting him to say "hi" to those two cute girls he hasn't quite gathered up the courage to talk to yet. Ah, the wonders and blessings of modern technology.
(Oh, and and a little more about that particularly obnoxious three seconds of this ad: The kid says "mom....put me down." Of course, Mom isn't actually carrying him, just a phone which happens to have video capability (why anyone would want this, I have NO idea.) But the kid says "put ME down." As if that's actually his soul in that phone. Depressingly believable.)
Anyway, this is just another of what appears to be an endless parade of Phone Addicts One-Upping Each Other With Their Superior Security Blankets advertisements AT&T seems determined to shovel at us until we are all assimilated into the Borg and would never, ever think of going anywhere or doing anything that did not also involve staring at our hand-held idiot boxes. Fortunately for those of us who are more inspired to bang our heads against walls than to actually buy one of these Slightly Cheaper than Heroin society killers, the saturation point seems close at hand. I know that when I take my daily walks and try to count the number of people who are either blathering away into their phones or staring mindlessly at the little glowing screens, I have to give up after about five minutes (too depressing.) More than once I've been the only person on the train platform who isn't yapping, texting or playing some brain-sucking game. Everyone is so much more "connected" than I am already, at least we'll be moving on to 5G now, right? At which point, 4G will become so lame and So Fourteen Seconds ago, right?
Sooner or later, one of these sad choads is going to look up and notice that I haven't bought in. That person will point at me, open his mouth, and release some weird screech to alert the others to my apostasy.