Sunday, February 23, 2014
Cheerios Commercial Rewrite
"Gracie, you know how our family has mommy.....and daddy......."
Gracie: "Don't condescend me. I can count. I'm not three, for chrissakes, daddy. You are about to use another Cheerio to indicate me, so let's cut to the chase, ok?"
Daddy: "Um, ok.....well....we are about to add another....."
Gracie: "Oh crap."
Daddy: "You and your mommy and I... I mean, you are about have a baby brother."
Gracie: "Oh, crap. Another baby in the house? How the hell did this happen?"
Daddy: "Well, you see, honey, when Mommies and Daddies love each other and Daddy gets a little drunk, sometimes mommies forget that we agreed to stop at one, and then suddenly Mommy tells Daddy that she 'forgot' to take her birth control...."
Mommy: "Excuse me? I was plastered too, dammit. And there's no reason why you couldn't use a condom. Why is it always my responsibility?"
Gracie: "If I have to put up with a baby, I want a puppy."
Daddy: "Mommy and Daddy are talking right now. Eat your Cheerios."
Mommy: "We're talking right now? Oh really? This doesn't look like talking."
Daddy: "You're complaining? Last time we talked, we AGREED to wait."
Mommy: "THAT again! Listen, sleep on the fucking couch and we don't have this issue."
Gracie: "I want a puppy."
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