Saturday, February 8, 2014
Remember when Superheros used to fight Nazis and Aliens?
Well, I guess the 21st century's version of the Justice League isn't all that interested in diverting extinction-level meteors or planet-swallowing galaxy-roaming doomsday machines. Heck, they probably wouldn't return our calls if we tried to tell them that Lex Luthor was back on the prowl. Today's superheroes are savvy to the real enemy of mankind's happiness and peace of mind- the Evil IRS.
Because if you've been sloppy in your bookkeeping, casual in your filing habits, or are just a freeloading crook who doesn't want to pay his fair share because after all Ron Paul Told Me On The Teevee that the 16th Amendment was Unconstitutional, you'll need the help of the Tax Resolvers. So confident in your intense gullibility and fear of the consequences of your own actions that you'll put your financial future in the hands of people who wear masks and spandex, Tax Resolvers does little more than give the 800 number where you can call and do the only thing more stupid than not paying your tax bill when it's due.
Yes, Tax Resolvers will use it's Superpowers on the Internal Revenue Service (previously known as the Legion of Doom) to "rescue" you from having to share any of your ill-gotten wealth with the society that builds the roads and finances the police and military that protects it and makes it possible. Paying taxes? That's for people who DON'T have--um--"heroes" on their side. So call today, and within thirty minutes of becoming a client, Tax Resolvers promises to reduce the IRS building to a pile of smoking, radioactive ash with it's Kryptonite-infused Death Laser of Freedom.*
*Offer void in Utah, Puerto Rico, and Reality.