Saturday, February 8, 2014

Remember when Superheros used to fight Nazis and Aliens?

Well, I guess the 21st century's version of the Justice League isn't all that interested in diverting extinction-level meteors or planet-swallowing galaxy-roaming doomsday machines.  Heck, they probably wouldn't return our calls if we tried to tell them that Lex Luthor was back on the prowl.  Today's superheroes are savvy to the real enemy of mankind's happiness and peace of mind- the Evil IRS.

Because if you've been sloppy in your bookkeeping, casual in your filing habits, or are just a freeloading crook who doesn't want to pay his fair share because after all Ron Paul Told Me On The Teevee that the 16th Amendment was Unconstitutional, you'll need the help of the Tax Resolvers.  So confident in your intense gullibility and fear of the consequences of your own actions that you'll put your financial future in the hands of people who wear masks and spandex, Tax Resolvers does little more than give the 800 number where you can call and do the only thing more stupid than not paying your tax bill when it's due.

Yes, Tax Resolvers will use it's Superpowers on the Internal Revenue Service (previously known as the Legion of Doom) to "rescue" you from having to share any of your ill-gotten wealth with the society that builds the roads and finances the police and military that protects it and makes it possible.  Paying taxes?  That's for people who DON'T have--um--"heroes" on their side.  So call today, and within thirty minutes of becoming a client, Tax Resolvers promises to reduce the IRS building to a pile of smoking, radioactive ash with it's Kryptonite-infused Death Laser of Freedom.*

*Offer void in Utah, Puerto Rico, and Reality.


  1. These ads for tax resolution services really irritate me.

    First, they don't provide any service that you can't already perform on your own. If you owe back taxes and take the initiative to call the IRS or your state tax department, as a general proposition they're very willing to work with you to get your overdue balance cleared up. They'll even go so far as to settle for partial payment on the grounds that some is better than none. You don't need to pay someone to do it for you.

    Second, I'm really bothered by these services advertising that they have former IRS employees working for them, suggesting or outright stating that they have some special knowledge or inside connection that will enable you to game the system. See the previous paragraph -- if you contact the IRS or state tax department yourself, the odds are that you can work out the problem on your own without having to pay someone you think is "cheating" on your behalf.

    Third, the ads ALWAYS say something like "Don't mess with the IRS. They're really cracking down THIS YEAR." I heard that this year, and last year, and the year before, and the year before, and the year before, and...

    Will there ever be a year when the ad copy DOESN'T say that the IRS is cracking down "this year?"

    Fourth, after scaring you with the "this year" claim, the ads always go on to say that the IRS is offering a way out -- usually called the "fresh start initiative" or something similar.

    This program is always pitched as "new" even though, like the claim of "cracking down," I heard it this year, and last year, and every year before that. At what point is this "new" initiative not "new" anymore?

    Fifth, there's an obvious problem with the ad copy -- which is it -- is the IRS cracking down this year, or are they negotiating away tax debt for cents on the dollar? It can't be both, contrary to the ad claims.

    Sixth, these ads always include some justification for why the listener has massive tax debt -- "these difficult times." "It can happen to anyone." "People just like you." But at the same time, they almost always include a line about the need to work things out with the IRS, "even if you have years of unfiled tax returns."

    Unfiled tax returns can't just happen to anyone in these difficult times, even people just like you. Not filing your tax returns is a conscious, willful act that can't be justified. Even if you owe and can't pay, sending in your tax return with an explanation of why you can't pay is usually an effective way to get the IRS to work with you -- they don't treat you like a scofflaw or criminal if you acknowledge the debt and let them know you intend to pay when you're able.

    For all these reasons, these tax representation services should be banned. Bad ad copy, terrible animation and fake superheroes are a few more to add to the list.

    1. Excellent- I'll just add that "don't deal with the IRS on your own" means "don't call the IRS because you'll discover you can deal with this on your own, and that would cost us a client and money."