Saturday, February 1, 2014

Every new Volkswagen ad makes the Baby Jesus Cry

This is a commercial for the 2014 Volkswagen.  In it, we see one reach 100,000 miles.  Even if this guy works for Volkswagen and was allowed to purchase the very first car off the line months before it was put on the market on the very first day of 2013, he would have had to average almost 275 miles per day to reach 100,000 in one year.  Does the guy in this ad EVER stop driving?

Not to mention that this car is showroom-gleaming -- if it has 100,000 miles on it, 99,999 were accumulated with the wheels spinning with the car mounted on struts.  Yeah, this car has seen actual seasons and weather and parking lots and potholes. Sure it has.

Hard to believe, but this is the part of the commercial that makes the MOST sense.  It gets much worse, because Stupid Dad makes another lame attempt to form a connection with Rude But Oddly Not Texting Daughter*  by spinning some weird-ass story about German engineers getting their wings whenever one of these cars goes over 100,000.  I can almost excuse her sneering "shut up moron" response (which would have gotten me a cuff across the mouth if I had tried it when I was her age) because this really is dad just needing to turn on the radio and STFU.  In other words, just admitting he has Nothing To Say To His Spawn.

We get about a minute of "German engineers" sprouting "wings."  It's not at all funny or entertaining and like a lot of these ads,  it goes on waaaayyyyyy too long.  Anyone not "get it" after the first five engineers "get their wings?"  No problem- here's a dozen more.

But even this isn't as offensive as daughter's response- which means that this commercial actual manages to start mildly dumb and get more insulting and unwatchable as it progresses.  I guess that's something.  Congratulations, Volkswagen- you've made yet another stupid commercial which makes me hate your product.  Did an ad exec get his wings?

(Oh and BTW, if you are one of those people who "only watch the Superbowl for the commercials,"  you are so pathetic and sad I can't even muster up any pity for you.  Seriously, though, what the hell is the matter with you losers?)

*When we are done with all the wings-sprouting BS and get back to the daughter- well, what do you know, she's texting.  She probably was earlier in the commercial too, we just couldn't see her hands.  What was I thinking?

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