Sunday, February 9, 2014

I just don't get zombies, I guess....

I always thought vampires were pretty cool- not the pained, angst-ridden, pathetic vampires of the Twilight series, but the old-fashioned movie vampires who were more interested in ripping out throats than who they were going to take to the freaking prom.

I've never understood why Werewolves can't catch on in Hollywood.  They are so interesting.  Last summer I read a 19th century novel in which the main character was a Werewolf.  The book sucked, mainly because the guy was a werewolf for maybe 1 percent of the time.  But that one percent was really cool.  Anyway, Werewolves have never successfully made the transition to the silver screen- in fact, "Werewolf" is pretty much synonymous with "box office failure."  Seems odd to me.

But I will NEVER understand the current fascination with zombies.  I'll admit, I've never seen a single episode of The Walking Dead.  Not even one.  But I've seen dozens of commercials on AMC (this ad is from Great Britain- I guess it's shown on Fox there, I don't know.  I was just looking for a short commercial to embed) and never once got the impression that it would be at all fun to watch a show about them.

First of all, they really aren't scary-looking.  Once you've gotten used to the rotting flesh and blood effects, they strike me as being rather boring.  And seriously, if you are a fan of this show, hasn't the shock value of seeing an eyeball hanging out or ears torn off worn thin by the second or third episode?  So you are psyched for SEASON FOUR? Why?

Second, I don't see how they are threatening.  They lurch around awkwardly in slow motion, as if they are crawling through molasses.  If I saw one approaching my house, I think I'd be more likely to be respond by laughing than screaming.  Then I'd take a shower, get changed, pack a few things, make a few phone calls, pay a few bills, and calmly step outside and walk away, confident that the "scary" zombie is still lurching awkwardly toward my house.

And if I timed it badly and the zombie actually managed to arrive before I could make my exit? I think I'd just tip it over and go about my merry way.  They look about as sturdy and dangerous as marshmallow scarecrows.  Fear?  I think "pity" would be a more appropriate reaction to seeing a zombie.

Third, I don't get their motivation.  These are just dead people, right?  So you live a fairly decent life- ups and downs, just like everyone else- and then you die, rise from the grave to lurch about like a fly in a bowl of Jell-O, forever stumbling toward people who- being alive- are much more agile and fast than you and have no problem keeping their distance? And if you, as a member of the Walking Dead Set, do manage to actually catch a living human being (maybe asleep on a beach towel or something,) well, then what? I seem to remember reading something about zombies eating brains.  What for?  Does this bring you back to life? Seems kind of pointless, if you are just going to die later and go through this crap over and over again for all eternity.

But anyway, back to this actual ad for this actual show which is actually going into its- Fourth Season?  Really? Four seasons of this?  Jeesh, four minutes of an ad were enough to convince me that this was a pointless snoozefest which must feature episodes about as fresh and innovative as We are Men, Welcome to the Family or Dads, all of which I believe are advertised as shows for people who prefer their zombies to be of the speaking variety.

1 comment:

  1. (Author's Update: "We are Men" was cancelled after two episodes. "Welcome to the Family" was cancelled after three episodes, and "Dads" was cancelled after one season.)