Friday, February 7, 2014

More Manipulative, Olympics-inspired tripe

First, the good news: If you didn't already know this story from the newspapers and the television and the internet, you get the whole thing boiled down in a 90-second trailer.  At the end of which I imagine that most of you will be thinking what I was thinking:  Why the hell would I want to watch the two-hour version of this?

Hell, the 90 second version was plenty painful.

Second, I'm pretty sure that this bowl of lukewarm porridge left absolutely no cliche unspoken.  Little black girl has a dream.  Mom has more bills than money.  Family and community pulls together to help little black girl fulfill her dream.  No, her dream isn't to get that heart transplant.  It's to go to the Olympics and have roughly two and a half minutes of --ahem---"fame" by contorting her body on a balance beam.

Hey, it's still a dream!  Shut up!

Oh, and "we can't afford to send her to the Olympics" followed by "you can't afford not too."  Wow, didn't see THAT line coming!

"You can be the best in the world" says the black coach/mentor/inspiration provider.  Uh huh.  Because being the best at throwing one's prepubescent body about for a few moments for the cameras- well, what more could a black girl aspire to?  Except- doesn't "best in the world" in this context mean "better than the other .00000001 percent of the planet that is even attempting to do this?"

"This is one for the storybooks" bleats newsyakker.  Why not "this is one for a crappy Lifetime movie?"

No one has ever explained why any normal person who doesn't own eight cats or seek dates using ChristianMingle would give a damn about any of the people whose stories are being told in these treacly "Based on a True Story" bundles of warm pudding.  If anyone has ever been "inspired" to do anything but vomit after watching one of these "feel good" dung piles, I suggest therapy.

By the way, what the hell is with this scene-

White Male:  "What's her name?"
Black Female:  "Gabrielle Douglas."
White Male:  "Gabby Douglas!"

Can I hope that the next line was "no, GABRIELLE DOUGLAS.  Not 'Gabby.'  Why did you shorten her name like that?  What's wrong with Gabrielle?  Is it ok that a black girl is named 'Gabrielle,' or do you think it's your job and privilege as a white man to shorten or 'adjust' the name of every black female athlete?"

Considering the title of this junk, I'm assuming the answer is "no."

1 comment:

  1. Have you noticed how every athlete has to have a nickname lately-- and even the commentators have nicknames now? I guess it's to make me feel like I know them personally. I refuse to call skier Sebastian Toutant "Seb-toot". Sorry. I just won't do it!