Wednesday, December 16, 2015

This is neither an Onion sketch nor the product of SNL, believe it or not....

My favorite claim in this unintentionally hilarious commercial is that this tablet is "Holy."  Um, really?  I'm surprised that it isn't endorsed personally by The Almighty.

I also find it really hard to believe that anyone under the age of 60 would be caught dead holding one of these things.  I mean, really- a tablet approved by the Catholic Church, pre-loaded with medieval dogma and blather approved by the Council of Nicea (and links to websites approved by---um, who exactly?)  Of course, anyone over the age of 60 who is also a devout Roman Catholic probably doesn't have much use for one of these newfangled satanic internet-connected tablet doohickies anyway, so.....who is this supposed to be marketed toward?

Oh, right- crazy weirdos who can't find crosses big enough to hang from their necks and who wrap their entire lives around the big building down the street with the nice pancake breakfasts, spaghetti dinners and unmarried men who like to tell people how to walk with the ghost of a guy who may or may not have existed for 33 years 2000 years ago.

Seriously, I was dissapointed when I realized that this commercial wasn't actually a parody.  Then I realized it would make an awesome addition to my blog.  Silver Lining!


  1. That's incredible. Is there one for other religions too? A koranzon or a Diamond sutrazon? How about an atheistzon?

  2. I believe the atheistzon is sold under the name "iPad."

    But seriously, folks...this commercial really is incredible, and so is this product. It's essentially an adult version of all those imitation tablet toys made for very young children--you know, the kind that are supposed to be just like tablets, but aren't tablets, just electronic toys with a limited number of educational games that can be activated by clicking icons. They exist because a) they're cheaper than tablets to give your toddler as a gift and b) you really don't want the kid wandering around to all the stuff on the Internet. Same principle at work here.

    "Catholics! Don't hang out on that wicked Internet with all that pornography and other evil things! Buy our special tablet that only accesses Catholic things! It will purify you and keep you holy!"

    ...Yeah, that's gonna fly off the shelves. When moms and grandmas buy it for their kids and grandkids for Christmas...and they say "Uh, gee, thanks" and bury it in the back of the closet.

    1. If Best Buy is smart, they can make some extra money offering to remove the filter and making this just an ordinary tablet.