Thursday, December 10, 2015
Time for Lexus Dad to go to Plan B
"But dad, penguins live at the South Pole..." chirps Adorable Offspring of Human Pig-Man. Here's a good reply from Dad- better than the delighted chuckle from Trophy Wife:
"Ok, son, I'll admit it. All that crap about penguins and racetracks was just something I made up because I thought maybe you were a little too young to know the truth....but my friends over at Fox Business News told me the other day that it's really never too early for kids to start learning about the Blessings of Capitalism, so here goes...
"You see, Daddy's a hedge fund manager. That means he makes money moving other people's money around in complicated ways, and constantly skimming off the top. Daddy makes more doing that every month than the average coal miner or school teacher will make in three years. And thanks to a political system featuring two parties crawling all over themselves to be the bestest of friends with hedge fund managers, Daddy got to keep practically all that of that money, while coal miners and school teachers hand over a third of their income to the Evil Tax Man every paycheck."
"To make sure Daddy could buy Trophy Wife---errr, Mommy-- the Lexus she wanted so she wouldn't start wondering if selling her body and soul to me was worth it, Daddy did a little work on the side merging a few corporations and getting a few thousand people downsized, which meant a little more in Daddy's bank account come the end of the year."
Adorable Offspring: "Daddy, did those people who lost their jobs get a Lexus in their driveway?"
"No, but don't worry- those people get to ride even bigger cars, with lots of wheels and their own driver. They just have to go out to the street and wait for one to show up."
Adorable Offspring- "Aren't those called buses, and arent' they kind of crowded and gross?"
"Hey kids, who's up for a ride in Mommy's New Lexus? Check out the dual DVD players in the back!"