Saturday, March 7, 2020

Oh Seriously, Bite Me, Mazda

So a couple of Eurotrash Millenials bored with their rich, entitled lives notice that restaurant space is available.  And at this moment I'm reminded of that scene in Citizen Kane when Orson Welles' character tells his mentor "I think it would be fun to run a newspaper" because the two Pretty People head off to start setting up their restaurant without a second thought.  Because they can, I guess.

They go through the Cliche'd Food Business Start Up Bingo Card with stupid entitled smiles frozen to their faces- smiles nourished by the knowledge that they've got buckets of money sitting in hedge funds just waiting to have fun with.  You know, Just Normal Everyday Young Dreamers.  Just look what we see them do in just a few seconds.  They visit an Organic Farm to meet an Organic Farmer and buy a case of Organic Olive Oil (because the very first thing you're going to do when you decide at a moment's notice to start a restaurant is seek out a stable supply of Organic Olive Oil.)  Then they visit a high-end butcher shop to pick out just the right cuts of meat.  Then they go off to some freaking artist's loft studio to engage someone to make them a logo.  Never you freaking mind that these people haven't so much as made a freaking PHONE CALL to the people leasing the restaurant space to get any particulars.  They are Young People With a Dream, remember.  That stuff can wait until they nail down a good Belgian Endive vendor.

And it's not just the young people who are smiling.  The Olive Oil farmer is smiling.  The butcher is smiling.  The artist is smiling.  Everyone is just so freaking happy to be in contact with the Beautiful Young Couple who drive a Mazda and who decided this afternoon to start a business because they were both bored at the same time.  I'm guessing that in the long version we see a smiling bank officer, smiling small-town carpenter ready and eager to hand-carve tables for the future customers, and smiling microbrewery owners signing delightful contracts to deliver Only the Best to the city's newest, most Exclusive New Restaurant owned and operated by Two Lovely Young Dreamers.

All this because two people noticed their Almost Perfect world wasn't 100 percent perfect and, owning a Mazda and being Rich Young People in America it really ought to be perfect plus impulse decisions are the very best of decisions.  In two years they'll have a less than Perfect day in the restaurant business- maybe the Creme Brulle had a bit too much vanilla- and decide to start their own Olive Oil farm.  Whatever these spontaneously wacky kids do next, they'll be sure to do it in their Mazda, and we'll be cheering them on because after all America.


  1. Don't people need to create a business plan and actually acquire the property way before they start trucking around for food items for their precious restaurant?

    1. Nope. All you need to start a restaurant is a Mazda and a dream. And a case of organic olive oil.