Tuesday, July 25, 2023

More fun with Colonial Penn


Or "yeah yeah my mom's dead very sad hey look I got a check!"

Gotta love how fast this casual conversation between a creepy stalking neighbor who decides to ambush a woman just innocently checking her mail turns from "so sorry about what happened to your mom" to "hey funerals are expensive let's make this about ME!"  In fact, we go from about 2.5 seconds of sort-of-mourning to bloodless "let's talk money" which is basically a lukewarm pitch for a life insurance company that loves to monopolize spots on daytime tv (you know, when only seniors are watching.)

Also gotta love how the woman who gets the check makes no mention of how much that check is worth- did it actually cover the funeral expenses- but instead focuses entirely on how "affordable" the "coverage" was.  Thirty-five cents a day sounds better than ten bucks a month, I suppose, but if I were the neighbor I'd be a lot more interested in how much "coverage" that ten bucks a month actually BOUGHT.  I mean, it would be the very first thing I'd ask, as long as we clearly aren't into privacy in this fish bowl suburb anyway.  I wouldn't forget to ask how much it cost, but I'd be asking how big that check was first, and for long the policy was held a close second.  How much the coverage cost would be a distant third- but it's the ONLY subject brought up here.

In fact, we are told that the check "helps" cover the expenses- what does that mean?  If you thought that 
Colonial Penn paid for funerals, well, you weren't listening very carefully.  Colonial Penn only promises to "help," in the same way that Car Shield "helps" cover car repairs and provides roadside "assistance."  What constitutes help is left in question- again, because we aren't given any details about that check the nice woman with the dead mom was "waiting for" (she doesn't seem happy with the size of the check, or disappointed- she doesn't react at all.  It's just a check.  It "helps."  Whatever.)

1 comment:

  1. It's like how the technicolor bowl of chemicals with a cartoon caveman as a shill is adjacent to a complete breakfast. SNL did it best when they had the guy from Law & Order sell old people insurance against being killed by a robot.