Wednesday, July 12, 2023

Sketchers: Another Sign of the Times


I'm always impressed on how completely common activities can become "a real pain" overnight.  Suddenly bending over to put on shoes is a war crime that we modern people no longer need to put up with because Check Out These Amazing New Slip-Ons From Sketchers!  

Add these things to scramble-in-the-shell egg beaters, Carnation Instant Breakfast, Lunchables, Rear-view car cameras and about ten thousand other devices you never realized you Absolutely Needed But Just Assumed Were Impossible that have become available through the Miracle of Capitalism and the Magic of Gullibility combined with the Curse of Instant Gratification.  Get ready to hear from thousands upon thousands of people celebrating the breaking of the shackles of Bending Over To Put On Shoes-

"I thought I'd never leave the house again.  What a game-changer!"

"For years, I've suffered from the agony of reaching down to put on shoes.  Finally, someone listened to my cries for relief!"

"My BMI is 45, and I'm not certain I still even HAVE feet, but when I move whatever is below my knees a certain way, they seem to get covered by soft objects and they are warmer when I venture outside, so I assume these sneaker things are responsible for that- and the fact that I experience less sudden, sharp pains while walking to my mobility cart while wearing these is another plus!"

I just want to know when someone is going to invent a way to put on my coat without the whole right arm goes in here left arm goes in there thing, because man that's such a hassle half the time I don't even bother and just stay inside. 

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