Tuesday, July 11, 2023

Those Car Shield Radio Ads- Endlessly Entertaining, Endlessly Frustrating, Remarkably Consistent


1.  "This is a special alert..." so special, it's been repeated on radio hundreds of times a day for several decades now.

2.  "Due to a decline in the economy..."  First- has the economy been declining for twenty years?  Because that's how long this ad has been running.  Second, are you really trying to sell us the idea that Car Shield is responding to an economic downturn by providing car warranties?  Well, how nice of Car Shield. 

3.  This plan is "now available to the public."  As opposed to being previously available to- who, exactly?

4.  "Call now to find out how you can pay almost nothing for future car repairs."  What does "Almost Nothing" mean to Car Shield?  Just the premiums for the "month to month" (instantly cancellable by Car Shield, good luck doing it from your end) non-insurance?

5.  "An open phone line has been established for all drivers to call for a quick free quote"- first, "open phone line has been established" means "we've contracted with an Indian phone center."  Second, the quote being free is not a selling point.  Who pays for a quote on anything?

6.  "Drivers who are covered will not have to pay for covered repairs again."  This is my all-time favorite line- not in this commercial, but in the history of commercials.  What are "covered repairs?"  Don't worry, Car Shield will let you know when you call asking to use your "coverage."  But here's a hint:  Whatever is broken ain't covered, sucker.

7.  "Cost of this protection plan is at an all-time low"...again, it's been at an all-time low for twenty years now.  And I'm sorry, but this isn't a little white lie- it's a blatantly false claim.  I guarantee that Car Shield's rates have gone up since this commercial first aired.  

8.  "Drivers who activate this coverage today will also receive free roadside assistance..."  So if I called yesterday, this coverage didn't include free roadside assistance?  If I call tomorrow, this coverage won't include free roadside assistance?  How could that be, since this ad has been on the radio for TWENTY YEARS?

9.  "...and car rental options at no additional cost."  What does "car rental options" mean? If it means "you have the option to rent a car," well, I have that now.  Without giving Car Shield a single premium.

10.  Then we get the 800 number four times and "what do you have to lose?"  Um, the two things I can't afford to lose- Time, and Money.    It only cost me one of those to write this post.  You scumbags don't get any of the other thing- not from me, anyway.  No matter how many times the economy "declines" or how free the call is.  It clearly costs far less to run the same stupid ad for two decades than you take in from premiums that never cover the repairs that need coverage, so I guess you soulless weasels will just keep running it.  But man this act has gone stale. 

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