Friday, April 22, 2011

Big House, No Life

What is this guy's deal, exactly? I mean, he seems completely incapable of watching this stupid, violent, immature nub of a movie (or is it a video game? I really don't care) for more than a few seconds at a time without pausing the "action" and moving to another room- why? He doesn't actually DO anything at his new location, except lean up against a chair to continue watching what I guess are robots pound the crap out of each other. I can't see any purpose at all for his constant moving around, unless it's to indulge his Restless Leg Syndrome.

And why would anyone want to pause the "action" in this film anyway? It's just the same crap over and over again- two robots (?- again, don't mistake me for someone searching for information here, I really don't care) smashing each other and everything in sight- what does this guy think he's going to miss if he just lets the damn mess play itself out? Hey buddy- this ain't exactly James Mason reciting Shakespeare. The idea that he's actually concerned he's going to miss one moment of this pointless violence is kind of disturbing.

And here's the best part- when he pauses this drivel for the last time, he heads upstairs to his bedroom and hits the play button- and there's this girl right there, in bed, behind him as he sits his zombie ass down (blocking her view of the tv) for what we can only suspect is another six seconds of viewing before he gets up and moves on to the next room. This means that he's got the movie on every screen in the house, including the one this girl has been watching- and he's been pausing it, again and again, with total disregard for the fact that this girl has been watching the loud mess all along? Talk about asserting one's dominance over the house- "I've got the remote, baby. And this is what I want to watch, and I'll pause it when it conveniences me. You don't like it? Well, who the hell asked you?"

Anyone else get the sense that A) if this guy had twenty televisions in twenty separate rooms, he would never stop strolling around and hitting those "pause" and "play" buttons, B) that remote is symbolic of this guy's determination to control everything that goes on in his house, and C) the relationship between this guy and the blurry afterthought of a woman in the background needs some serious work that can only get underway when this guy finally finds the OFF button?

Meahwhile- hey, buddy? This is what they mean when they talk about abusing technology. Just because you CAN pause films constantly and then resume watching in other rooms doesn't mean you HAVE to. Maybe it's NOT all that necessary for your home to consume more energy than your average small town just so you can keep watching robots throw themselves around as you stroll about your suburban palace. Just a thought.


  1. Maybe this is the only way he can get exercise.

    But this ad annoys me because the point of an "action" movie is the ACTION and if you're pausing it in the middle of the action, you're negating the point of said action.

    And because I didn't say it enough in the last sentence- action, action, ACTION, ACTION!!

  2. Excellent point, Pahz- I guess a hidden message here is that the ACTION in this film is so Been There Done That Forgettable that this guy doesn't think twice of repeatedly pausing. Wouldn't the Fast Forward Button make more sense here?

  3. Remember how I once pointed out that a better ad would show a more useful application of a service? My version would have Robot Slaughter Boy pause his silly movie to take an important phone call and get back to his ultraviolence later; the tag line would be "It's just TV; real life comes first."

  4. Just this morning, while I was blow-drying my hair, the female version of this came on. As I was drying my hair, I couldn't hear the dialog, but from what I understand, it was a period movie- like with the big skirts, frilly lace things and such. And it pretty much looked like some kind of weird date-rape scene where the chick was all over the guy.

    With each leap the woman made toward the man, the lady with the remote would pause the TV, go to the next room and push play. It was just as stupid as this one, but I'm still not sure what the hell was going on in that scene. At least here it's all "blow shit up!" action.

  5. Pahz- I like how the ad writers have such zero imagination that they can't even come up with a decent reason for this guy to be moving from room to room. He just looks bored or restless- or determined to USE all these tvs because after all, he has them.

    I still think it's disgusting that this huge house seems to contain two people and a television in each room, all on, all the time.

  6. Pahz- for a lot of movies like this, the "action" is so Been There Done That it actually IS a good time to walk away- I just don't get why you'd want to pause and continue- are you really afraid you are going to miss the 37th time one robot throws the other against a wall?

    I'm thinking of the first fight scene from "Sherlock Holmes," which not only goes on for roughly twenty minutes but also features several changes of venue. Hey, Earth to Directors: if you have to move the characters to different settings DURING a fight scene, that means the fight scene is BORING and TOO DRAWN-OUT. Get it?

  7. What really kills me is that the director of the ad isn't even honest; I mean, would it kill them to show the guy pausing his stupid movie so he could take a dump and resume it after he was done? That's what it's used for in real life.

  8. It would be funny if the guy used the pause so he could check his kid in the nursery, and then started it again in that room, scaring the crap out him. I think that would be funny, because I'm kind of evil.

  9. The commercial assumes that CGI and violence are two of the principal reasons for obtaining DirecTV. I have no reason to think it isn't. You don't see Bob Schieffer crushing a stove, and you don't see Diana Rigg smashing a chandelier, you see Big Time Robot Mud Wrestling -- now in the age of military/industrial/sports speak of "gotcher back, 24/7". There's no room in that world for anything but (literally) faceless mangling, where responsibility has no place in reality. I suppose we're supposed to believe that the house is being wrecked as in "Jumani" (I, or II) where all the destruction vanishes when the set, if ever, is turned off.
    Above all, it is assumed that you as consumer are done using your brain and are willing to accept anything at all these horrible advertisers imply you are bereft without. Pity us all.