Saturday, April 23, 2011

Chip off the Old Lard Block

The "children acting like adults" meme is very popular among ad agencies. In fact, "anyone other than adults acting like adults" is a real favorite, regardless of the product being pitched. Babies talking stock trades, dogs fretting over how to best protect that bone for future consumption, preteens discussing "value" while consuming piles of warm fat as their proud "parents" (using that term very loosely) look on appreciatively....

Come to think of it, the only device that seems to be more popular than "non-adults acting like adults" is "adults acting like non-adults." Something to think about.

Anyway, here's yet another repulsive commercial for my new favorite punching-bag of a "restaurant," Cici's. Two little boys are reading their assigned scripts, which require them to sing the praises of teaching "value" to the Little Ones. In their bizarro world, "value" means getting your kids hooked on cheap, lard-encrusted, artery-clogging junk because hey, its all you can eat and very easy on the wallet. What a super life lesson- it's all about Quantity, not Quality, my boy! Never sit down at a restaurant where you have to spend more than the equivalent of a gallon of gasoline to stuff yourself senseless, even if that means that you'll be filling up with garbage that does nothing good for your long-term health.

The two "parents" (other than the fact that one of these guys apparently drove the kids to the feed barn, I don't really see a lot of "parenting" here) are delighted to see that their destructive eating habits have been successfully passed down to the next generation of trailer trash. By the time Dad's mobility is limited by his enormous gut and breathing issues, Son will be well on his way to sharing in the same fate. Heck, by then Dad may have a few Soon to Be Enormous grandkiddies to cart off to Cicis in the family SUV. And won't that be lovely?

For as long as it lasts, at least. I can't imagine that the average life span for regular Cicis customers is much over 55. I can imagine that life stops being very enjoyable for Cicis regulars long before that.


  1. Before the scene in the ad:

    Dad 1: "Crap. It's my weekend. Damn that sperm with a sense of direction!" *calls Dad 2* "Hey, Bob. I just realized I can't go on the Vegas weekend with you guys. I got my kid."

    Dad 2: "Wait, is it the second weekend of the month? Dammit! Me too. Shit, what are we gonna do? They're too old for Chuck E. Cheese."

    Dad 1: "Yeah, and they're not old enough to go to Vegas- at least, not with what we had planned." *insert guffaw*

    Dad 2: *checking online travel rates from his phone while he's driving* "I can change up our hotel reservations and tickets to next weekend with only a minimal fee... we're set, buddy."

    Dad 1: "Great. Let's take the kids to CiCi's for dinner so we can offset that minimal fee..."

  2. You're right, Pahz- I missed that this commercial has the stench of "my weekend to get the kids" written all over it.

    Considering that neither of these kids have bad complexions or double chins, it's a possibility at least that Mom doesn't share Dad's opinion of what "value" means. So maybe they have a chance.

  3. So, you got the "No surprise why their wives divorced them" vibe too, eh? Good to know.

  4. "dogs fretting over how to best protect that bone for future consumption"

    One of the best commercials ever!!