Sunday, January 1, 2012
Please disregard Nissan's "Do Not Attempt" disclaimer
This Commercial Sucks opens the New Year with a plaintive message to all you stupid, drunken, Cici's-haunting, Light beer-swilling, Man Card-holding, Real NFL Experience-providing, Forever App-downloading, Forever GPS-consulting and video streaming and gaming, shaving-once-a-week clueless morons who represent American Males in the eyes of our wonderful ad agencies:
Please DO attempt to push dune buggies up mountains of sand. I promise, it will end with hooting applause from every idiot lucky enough to witness your innate awesomeness.
Please DO save passenger jets from fatal crashes by catching the nose wheels in in your flatbed. I promise, you will be rewarded with cheers and chants of "USA! USA!", and NOT sniper fire from airport security and a year as a guest of the US Army in Cuba.
And please, PLEASE feel free to drive your new truck down the side of a snow-covered mountain. After all, that's why Nissan built it-- for those times when the dune buggy can handle the slope on it's own, and the plane can land without any assistance from you, Mr. Macho Hero in Waiting. And don't forget to do the barrel roll- that will assure you the "we're not worthy" chants and bows from the knuckle-dragging troglodytes watching from the base. Just check out this guy's "Look what I did" gesture at the conclusion of this rank little crumb of an ad. That could be you, if you just avoid reading. And how hard is that, really?
I look forward to your exploits in 2012, Mr. Blue Collar Superhero whose Japanese Truck makes the Batmobile look like a SmartCar. I've got my Bud Lite ready to toast your next adventure. But could you do me a small favor? If you could take out a few oblivious I-Phone users on the way down next time, it would be deeply appreciated.