Monday, January 9, 2012

Please let this turn into "Deliverance II- This Time, You Root for the Hillbillies"

Sometimes I think that I could very easily create a spin-off blog which deals exclusively with these "Man Up" (or "Man Card")-themed beer commercials, they are so damned insulting. They are also all exactly the same- only the scenery and the actors change. The story in each are identical- three guys drink Miller Lite, one guy does not, Outsider gets trashed by his Miller Lite-worshiping friends, who have so completely wrapped their "manliness" in their choice of Lite Beer (I will NEVER be able to get my head wrapped around that one) that they proceed to humiliate, belittle and intimidate the "friend" who refuses to go along.

In this particular ad, The Guys are off hiking or camping or rock-climbing or something. I've never gone rock-climbing, but I've done a lot of hiking and camping, and it's never even occurred to me to bring beer along. Any kind of beer. In any kind of container.

Come to think of it, it's never occurred to me that a weekend of hiking, rock climbing and camping with three scruffy jackasses with a fixation on Lite Beer and being Manly would be anything approaching fun. If the guy with the rolling backpack is willing to put up with this kind of shit, just imagine what his home life is like.

Somehow this all ends with The Guys sitting way too close to each other around a campfire, still giggling about the rolling backpack, which mysteriously goes flying down the side of a mountain. Right in front of them. I don't know how this happened- is there a fifth Guy up there who, upon seeing the rolling backpack filled with offending beer, decided to destroy it? Did it's owner leave it on the top of the mountain? Did the bag just decide it could not deal with the humiliation of being owned by someone who would hang around with assholes like this and commit suicide? Whatever, it's All So Hilarious to the jerkwad friends. And to the cheering section over at YouTube, which was nice enough to stop shoveling Chicken McNuggets into it's face long enough to post missives on how much it loves this ad.

Can someone explain to me why anyone would take cues on "Manliness" from these choads? Since when did "Manliness" depend on being a rude, watered-down-beer-swilling prick? Oh yeah- since beer commercials first started to appear on television. Sorry I forgot- I guess that will cost me a point on my "Man Card." WTF-ever, Miller Lite.


  1. It bothers me that we have to look at ads that say "You've just shot a small's time for a lite beer" when I remember that an honest ad would be "It's five o'clock in the morning and you've just pissed on a dumpster....IT'S MILLER TIME!!"

  2. Oh no Dreaded, drinking beer means you have friends and an amazingly fun life which features rock-climbing, hiking, tail-gating with buddies, back yard barbecues...none of which would be possible WITHOUT beer...

    Funny, the people I know who drink beer are all fat couch potatoes who are either diabetics or in danger of becoming diabetics.

  3. I never understood the point to "lite beer" because how is it supposed to be "good" for you? I mean, if you're drinking enough beer for you to be concerned with the caloric intake of it, don't you think you'd have enough brains to realize that maybe you were an alcoholic?

    If you only drink occasionally, I wouldn't think the calories would be all that important. Also- in the sport of hiking and camping, wouldn't lugging all that beer be a waste of energy? Wouldn't water, food, and gear be a little more important than resealable lite beer cans?

    But don't listen to me- in this lite-beer ad universe, I'm supposed to smile adoringly, flip my luxurious hair and thrust out my chest while wearing a bikini and hiking boots.

  4. Guys can't do ANYTHING without beer. ANYTHING. Otherwise, I'd totally agree that it's hard to imagine anything dumber than lugging a cooler of beer around with you on a freaking camping trip that doesn't involve just parking and setting up a tent.

    (Which isn't camping, btw.)

  5. "Also- in the sport of hiking and camping, wouldn't lugging all that beer be a waste of energy? Wouldn't water, food, and gear be a little more important than resealable lite beer cans?"

    Yeah, just a little. Real men wouldn't bring beer because real men would know better. Real men would take the time to find out what to take (if they didn't already know) and how to pack, something none of those jokers would ever do.

    John, I totally agree with your definition of camping. If there are electric outlets and indoor plumbing nearby, it is not camping. Not sure what it should be called, but not camping.

  6. If they drive a house with wheels to the site, I suppose it's called "RV'ing." Which is not camping either.