Sunday, May 13, 2012

Ford presents Overcompensation 101, the Suburban Poser Edition

Hey, look- it's another gang of Incredibly Masculine Men standing around a fricking mountain of a truck, trying to explain to us why they "need" a monstrosity like this, and ignoring the fact that pretty much no one else on the planet actually uses any vehicle to do one-tenth the stuff these guys seem to do on a regular basis.

For one thing, these manly men really love the chrome.  And the rims.  What any of this has to do with the utility of what looks like a six-ton monster with wheels (unless these guys are each four feet tall, MAN this thing is blatantly huge!) we aren't told.  I guess the message here is "ok, first the soft sell- this is why the truck will look great in your driveway.")

But the Men aren't ready to regale us with stories of constant heavy lifting, despite the fact that they were introduced as guys who "aren't afraid of hard work" (seriously, f-- you, Mr. Hooked-Thumbs Truck Pimp.)  Instead they continue with the soft sell, showing us the rear view camera (one of them says he wants the camera for "the next time my wife swears at me."  Later, another guy giggles that he saw his two friends "on the rear view camera" as they did something or another near the back of the truck.  I really don't want to know.)  The "Eco-Boost" (are we sure it's not "Ego Boost") technology is a big selling point, and no, I don't have the slightest idea why.  The voice-activated phone and music system scores big time with these guys, too. I'm still waiting for the "hard work" to get started, because I'm twenty seconds in and all I've learned so far is that this thing is shiny and has all the electronics of an Audi, which is another car I don't need to go heavily into debt for so I can show well for the neighbors.

Then we get "this thing tows my boat much better than my Silverado," which really gets the hate rising nicely.  Hey, that's awesome news, guy.  Really happy for you.  Still waiting for evidence that you guys "aren't afraid of hard work," unless we are supposed to buy that owning a f---ing boat is "hard work."

FINALLY, we get scenes of cement and appliances and all kinds of other Big, Heavy Things that Real Men spend their lives tossing into the backs of Big Rugged Trucks like this Ford F-150.  'Cause remember, these guys aren't afraid of Hard Work.  Especially when they can do it in a car with soft heated seats and more electronic bells and whistles than the freaking space shuttle.

In a slightly longer version of this ad, one of the guy wraps by saying "I get a lot of street cred with this sitting in my driveway."  I'm not kidding.  "Street Cred."  Because nothing yells "Credibility" louder than parking a truck which is larger than my apartment (and has a better sound system) in some lily white upper middle class neighborhood.   I'm irritated that I couldn't find that slightly longer version, because that was my favorite part of the commercial ("favorite part" meaning "part which really made me want to punch the speaker in the face.")  But I can't spend all day looking for the full version, after all- it's the weekend, which means that when I'm not grilling up 24-ounce steaks, guzzling the correct Light Beer and pumping Round Up on to the weeds sticking out of my cracked driveway, I'm tossing big bags of Something Dirty into the back of my pickup.  Stopping to hook my thumbs to my belt now and then, of course.   I've got things to do, you know.

(Of course, shaving isn't one of them.  I'm a suburban American male, after all.)


  1. Mike Rowe is so damn cute I have to give him a pass.

  2. What's really annoying about this ad for unnatural male enhancement is that in real life, these sausages will sit in a driveway depreciating away when they're not being used to ferry a laughing-stock from one deadfall to the next.

  3. 99% of the time these Big Manly Trucks are used to haul babies and groceries around, and to look "cool" in the driveway. They are Look What I've Got Just 'Cause mobiles. Guys who hypnotize themselves into believing that their office jobs will suddenly become more Alpha Male is they can drive to them in these things, or if they buy one they'll start spending their weekends throwing cement bags and granite pieces into them, are the same kind of deluded weirdos who can convince themselves that they are engaged in some kind of "Honorable" fight to save the nation from alien terrorists whenever they pop in the latest stupid video game from Wal Mart.