Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Maybe this guy's wife should be introduced to the "personal assistant?"

Ugh, can you believe this crap?  Entitled White Jerk with his tricked-out upscale suburban LookAtMeMobile suddenly realizes- thanks to snarky little offspring in the back seat- that he forgot his wedding anniversary.   He learns it because Daddy's Little Eavesdropper overheard Mommy say that he was going to be "sleeping in the doghouse tonight."

Time out.  Did this kid really overhear his Mom say something like that to a neighbor, or a friend on the phone?  Or did she actually tell her Son that Daddy is a thoughtless, heartless, forgetful prick and he won't be sharing a bed with Mommy tonight?  Because if it's the latter, this family really has issues that a romantic dinner at a ritzy restaurant is not going to fix.

Back to the commercial.   Ok, now, this could happen to anyone.  What this would normally result in is some hurt feelings, maybe an argument, a realization that it's the marriage and the life these three people share that's really important and not the willingness to spend a wad of cash commemorating the day that the ceremony takes place every single year.  That's if this is a real family and if this kid's parents are actual adults....

Daddy assumes that he and his wife are not actual adults, because he pushes a button and contacts his "Personal Assistant."  He informs the disembodied voice that "I forgot my anniversary, can I get reservations at (Insert inaudible name of pretentious fern restaurant here?)"

Second time out.  Why does this guy feel the need to A) tell the disembodied voice that he forgot his anniversary?  Why is that information necessary?  and B) tell his SON IN THE BACK SEAT, who has already been proven adept at passing on information delivered to him by one of his non-adult parents, that Daddy forgot the anniversary?

Back to the commercial.  The "Personal Assistant," who I'm sure once had dreams of having a job that didn't include catering to the upscale pigs who will be first in line for the guillotine when the Revolution finally gets it's act together, quickly cheerfully and chirpily Makes Everything Better in four seconds flat by making the reservation that Dumbass Daddy couldn't manage to handle on his own despite the fact that the f--ing day falls on the same f---ing date every f---ing year.

I can only imagine that the "Personal Assistant" will now find Just the Right Trinket for Daddy to hand off to Mommy halfway through dessert at the Restaurant Daddy Failed to Make Reservations At.  Maybe Daddy will at least refrain from checking the scores on his cell phone during the Lovely Evening He Didn't Set Up.

Personally, I don't think Daddy should be able to get away with this just because he's got the dough to afford this level of technology.   I really hope the little moppet in the backseat spills the beans the moment they get home.  Better yet- I hope the "Personal Assistant" gives Mommy a call and "innocently" lets her know how "glad" she was to be able to help save Daddy's worthless ass from the wrath of Mommy.  Wish I could be there when THAT went down.


  1. The personal assistant would assist society if he sent the two of them to a drug buy going bad. Once they get killed in the cross-fire, Snarky Kid can be trained to become a living weapon and punch out criminals dressed like zoo animals and figures from playing cards while dressed in long underwear and a cowl. He can even recruit a succession of plucky orphan sidekicks.

  2. I honestly think that the personal assistant is a computer program, not a person.