Saturday, June 29, 2013

"I'm trying to earn a living selling trucks, and you aren't helping, you witless time-sucking dickweed."

"What's going on here?"

Seriously- really?  Did this guy just wander off the grounds of the mental ward and find himself in a truck dealership?  Can we use this in other situations?  I was at an Orioles game last night- should I have walked around with my hands in my pockets asking "what's going on here?"

"You want the long or short answer?" Followed by "the long, I guess."  Again- what the hell?  It couldn't be more obvious that the witless doofus who has stumbled across the unfamiliar sight of a store which sells trucks and finds himself completely flummoxed by it is only in need of directions back to his hospice care provider.  Instead, the truck salesman asks "do you want to waste SOME of my time, or a LOT of it?"  And when in the history of our planet has ANYONE ever chosen the long answer over the short?  Escaped Mental Patient has basically responded with more evidence that he's an Escaped Mental Patient- "gee, given a choice, I guess I'd rather here the long version of What Is Going On In This Store Which Obviously Sells Trucks and is Filled With People Who May Be Interested in Buying a Truck."

The salesman responds with less than ten seconds of gibberish I didn't even bother to really listen to.  That's the "long version."  Mercifully.

Naturally, Pot-Bellied Dope who announced very first thing that he's not a potential customer then asks for the Short Version.  Groan.   Short version being "check out the sign, illiterate douchenozzle."

Sure, this guy is going to be driving away in a truck.  It's a much better bet that in half an hour he'll be strolling through a playground, asking eight year olds "so, what's going on here" until a friendly cop tells him to move on or at least calls the phone number conveniently attached to his shirt so that his keepers can collect him and get him back to the Home.

And worst of all- there are several of these "what's going on" commercials.  Because Chevy thinks people are really, really stupid and the football stadium-sized American flags out front and the gigantic TRUCK SALE signs inside aren't quite enough to convince us that TRUCKS ARE BEING SOLD HERE.

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