Monday, December 2, 2013

Well, "greatest" after this big, shiny Chrysler, of course

Yes, if you've got yourself an ostentatious mansion in the 'burbs, a perfect family, and a massive, Look at Me I'm Better Than You SUV to drive them all around in, nothing makes you feel like you aren't quite going to hell like dropping off a few excess gifts at the local toy drive bin.

Hey, Eurotrash dickwad with a car that cost more than it takes to feed Nigeria for a year- if you think your head isn't going to end up on a pike just because you bought a few extra presents for Cody and Dillon so they could experience the Joy of Giving To Their Lessers (and the special joy of doing it in the most showy way imaginable, arriving in Dad's 11 MPG Gleaming Studmobile) you've got another think coming.  You are still heading for the inferno, you pompous one-percent piece of feces.

Want to "give something back?"  Start with that disgustingly unnecessary car of yours.  Turn it in to the dealer, get your money back, buy something just as functional for half the cost, and give the difference to a soup kitchen.  Hey, what a great message that would send your kids- Dad is willing to give up one of HIS toys, too!  Yeah, that's going to happen.

Oh, and "Most Refined Brand?"  Fuck off, Chrysler.


  1. My favorite touch in this ad: the scene in which the little girl opens and joyfully embraces her donated teddy bear on Christmas morning. That single loose lock of hair falling forward on her mother's face: that's the ad's small, subtle way of telling us These People Are Poor. Otherwise, really, their house doesn't look half bad, and from what we can see of their Christmas tree, it's pretty nicely decorated. Also, they didn't want to go too cliche and racist by making them African Americans. The proper role for African Americans in this ad is singing in the gospel choir that heralds all the do-gooding of the rich white folks.

    Anyway, that's it right there: the loose lock of hair falling forward on the face. That's the signal to us that this mother is Poor, because all poor moms always have a lock of hair falling into their faces that shows us how tough and sweaty and hard their lives are. You just know that when the rich white folks across town get up to open their Christmas gifts, it doesn't matter that they just got out of bed; every hair is in place as they sit in their plush robes and slippers. Only Poor Mom has a loose lock of hair...and, apparently, sleeps in a T-shirt.

    1. Another of these ads shows a skinny pale Tiny Tim impersonator beaming with joy when he gets that Tonka truck. Warms the heart- when you don't think about what the son of the guy who dumped this toy off in the bin is getting.

    2. What IS it with those identical black women in their identical red coats singing and swaying in praise of the Angelic White People And Their Willingness To Let The World Know They Are Rich, anyway?