Sunday, March 30, 2014

"When you have the serious illness YOU can decide where we go on vacation, honey."

Bob woke up one day and decided to face death right in the face.  To Bob, that meant living life to the fullest, every day. Which meant not having "the usual" at the local diner (so what are you going to have, Bob? Or did you just show up at the diner to impress the waitress with your willingness to-- um---"change up your life?")

It also meant turning right instead of left.  I have no idea what this means.  It's kind of implied that Bob used to go to some clinic for treatment which he no longer needs because of this awesome new drug.  But if he doesn't have to go there anymore, why did he program the destination into his Garmin GPS?  Is Bob so far gone that he told his GPS he needed directions to the clinic- just so he could tell it to "suck this, I'm making my own decisions, Garmin!"  If so, is Bob really weird, or what?

At first, I thought Bob bought those flowers for his travel agent, who was also his mistress.  Turns out I was wrong about that, and the truth is even stranger.  Bob sits down with the oddly-still-employed agent (it's 2014- these things still exist?) and seems about to arrange a trip to FLORIDA when he suddenly notices a poster for NEW ZEALAND- and decides he wants to go there instead.  Whatever this new drug is, it's turned Bob into a really impulsive person.

It's also turned him into kind of a controlling jackass, because we now learn that those flowers are for his wife, who gets the "good news" that they are heading for New Zealand.  Ok, some people will find this very sweet and lovely and all that.  I think it's kind of obnoxious that Bob decided on a major vacation destination without even talking about it with his significant other.  Maybe she's his girlfriend and not his wife, and maybe Bob makes all the money in the family- doesn't matter.  A reasonable person who gives a damn what she thinks makes her part of the decision-making process.  Maybe she really wanted to go to Florida.  Maybe she wants to see Rome, or Greece, or any of a number of other places I'd rather see than New Zealand.  But apparently what she wants doesn't really matter- she's thrilled to be going to New Zealand, and that's a good thing, because that's where they are going.  Bob has Spoken.

Maybe Bob is just determined to bleed to death in New Zealand.  Good health care down there, I've heard. And I can certainly think of worse places to experience all these horrible symptoms.  Still- what a jerk.

1 comment:

  1. If the wife is a LOTR film fan, she'll be cool with NZ.