Sunday, May 3, 2015

Meet Dale, the saddest tool in the Domino's box



I'm sorry, but there are very few ads out there that fill me with more bile than this one.  There is just so much wrong going on here, it's hard to figure out exactly where to start.  So I'll just plunge in--

Maybe Dale is actually proud of his ability to make boxes faster than anyone else on the Domino's payroll.  Hell, I'm sure that if you took a time machine back to 1790, you might actually be able to find a slave on some Virginia plantation proud at being the very fastest at picking out the cotton seeds by hand.  Guess what?  Doesn't make it worth celebrating.

That this middle-aged doofus is thrilled at his "celebrity" as the Most Famous Domino's Trained Seal (even that stupid, pointless laugh- what is he laughing at? The depressing absurdity that has become of his life?)  isn't heartwarming or interesting- it's just pathetic and diminishing and, well, gross.

That we know the only payoff this guy is going to get for all of his work is a pat on the head from some corporate tool making 800 times what Dale can expect IF he gets the hours he wants next year is predictable and expected.

And that this video will be shown to thousands of other Domino's drones as an "inspiring learning experience" which can be more accurately translated into "why can't you be more like this idiot?  Because if you don't make an attempt at emulating him, it's back to the unemployment office, prole.  Oh and BTW, you've used up your benefits."


2 comments:

  1. Agreed. Dumbest part of this commercial, though, is Dale laughing at the prospect of what would happen if--heaven forfend!--Domino's RAN OUT OF FOLDED BOXES. "No boxes, no carryout!" he chuckles.

    ...Come on. Are we REALLY supposed to believe that if any Domino's outlet ran out of a sufficient supply of pre-folded pizza boxes to accommodate the number of orders it was receiving, they would just sigh and say, "OK, that's it. We ran out of folded boxes--we're going to have to stop taking carryout and delivery orders? Everyone with either have to eat in or call someplace else, and if that means we lose sales, we'll just have to take the loss"?

    Fat chance. No, all that would happen is that chuckling Dale would either have to work his ass off to fold boxes even faster, or they'd probably get five more guys helping him fold boxes crazy-fast enough to meet the demand. Maybe even the manager would have to get busy and fold some boxes. Wouldn't THAT be nice!

    One thing I know for sure: Nobody is going to call a halt to all the carryout and delivery orders just because Dale didn't fold enough boxes, hahahahaha. Dale, you are not so indispensable to the operation as you think. If you don't fold boxes fast enough, they'll fire you and find someone who will. Because the bad thing about the manager having to help fold pizza boxes is that he's only going to get stuck having to do that once. After that, you're out the door, pal.

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    1. the moment Dale begins to slow down, he'll find himself out on his ass, replaced by a teenager who can keep up with demand. When he tries to contact the people who used him in this ad, he won't get his calls returned. Who will be laughing then, Dale?

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