Saturday, May 2, 2015

Subaru's latest just made my brain snap

"When our little girl was born, we bought a Subaru...."

Ok, so when your little girl was born- in 2015- you bought a 2015 Subaru.  And then all of these banal little things happened in that 2015 Subaru- your little girl rode in the car seat, made a best friend (in carpool, or something, I suppose.  Whatever) and said goodbye when it was time to be dropped off at school.  You know, all that white bread boring crap that happens when people do the whole get married and buy Subarus and have kids and watch them grow up stuff.

Here are the two problems I simply can't get past-

1.  When the commercial ends, the Little Girl Who Grew Up In Your Subaru looks to be around 14 years old.   So is it the year 2029 in the ad?  Nothing looks particularly futuristic- the iPhone being used looks like the model you can buy right now- no holograms or anything.   Or did this saga start with a 2000 Subaru purchased when the little girl was born?  That doesn't make sense either, because Subaru didn't start producing this particular model until 2009.  Is the girl supposed to be six years old at the end of the commercial?  That doesn't work either- I know what six year old girls look and sound like, and this girl doesn't pull it off.  So what is really going on here?

2.  Whatever model this Subaru is, it's supposed to be 13-14 years old at the end of the commercial.  Yet, it's still showroom-condition gleaming.  Sorry, no.  Unless this MommyWife was taking it in for detailing every year, this is not what 13-14 year old cars which are actually used to do stuff look like.  There doesn't necessarily have to be dents and scratches- I did a great job keeping my car looking great for the first seven years I owned it (in the last two, it suddenly started to attract shopping carts, other car doors, stone walls and wood piles.)  But not this great.  That car at the end of this ad is brand new.  It hasn't even been driven to church on Sundays by a little old lady from Pasadena.  It sure as HELL hasn't been used in the Real Life of a MommyWife.

So again, Subaru- what is really going on here?  I know you were in a bit of a quandry when you made this ad, because you needed to come up with a pitch for a 2015 Subaru but wanted to continue your twee "love/life" campaign, but that doesn't mean you get to bend the laws of Time and Space to do it.  WTF?

1 comment:

  1. At least we're not in Japan itself. That way, we don't have to endure a kiddy cartoon Subaru is sponsoring about a bunch of magic girls who have to put together a spaceship that looks like a hatchback.