Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Stalker preseason training, brought to you by Fitbit

Remember those Powerbar commercials featuring athletes telling us "this is how I get ready for the preseason?"  I think they still pop up now and then but I recall the 1990s versions when I see this ad for Fitbit.

As near as I can tell, this hairy, out-of-shape slob would really like to nail that hot and fit girl who seductively jogs past his apartment every day (probably doesn't even realize what a floozy she's being, the evil, balanced diet-consuming, steady heartbeat-maintaining little temptress!)  The trouble is, he can't catch her because- well, you know- Cheetos, beer and weekends in front of the computer playing fantasy football, weekdays sitting in a cubicle texting.

So hairy creep dedicates himself to getting into shape so he can catch up to the hot athletic girl he isn't currently good enough for and-- um, well, I'm not sure.  He's not wearing a garbage bag with holes cut out of it, so I don't think he's going to be asked to engage in a dance competition.   I don't know what his endgame is, because even when manages to (briefly) catch up to her, he doesn't take the opportunity to introduce himself or start a conversation (of course, that could be because his lungs are lodged in the lower part of his throat and speech simply isn't possible without a whole lot of unattractive weezing.)

Cute jogging girl responds by attempting to kill him by climbing what I think is a rather famous set of steps in San Francisco that lead to Coit Tower (they look familiar?)  Her message seems to be

A.  I really don't like you.  Leave me alone.
B.  Want me?  You're going to have to work even harder.  or
C.  I know how to get rid of you.  I'll make you run up these steps until your heart finally explodes.

In any case, this is kind of a creepy ad.  I've never met a woman who would find it at all charming to have a total stranger repeatedly attempt to join her in her daily run.  It strikes me as intrusive and weird and not even something I would do- though I must say, this girl definitely looks like she's worth a little effort.  Just not this guy's version of effort.

Come to think of it, there's simply no way that this girl doesn't already have a boyfriend (or a girlfriend) - one who actually knows her name and shares her interests.  I mean, she's cute and young and athletic.  Girls like that don't need to count on meeting random strangers who can keep up with them on their daily runs.  This guy acts like she's spraying pheromones.

And one more thing- "follow your heart?"  It's not this guy's heart that is forcing him to follow this girl.  You have to look a little lower to find the driving force behind this guy's newly-discovered interest in fitness.

No comments:

Post a Comment