Thursday, July 14, 2016

For the past five years, Daughter has fantasized about this thing getting totalled and replaced by an Audi

What are we looking at at the end of this nauseating spoonful of treacle called a Subaru ad?  Is it now 2032, and the family's new Subaru looks exactly like the old one, meaning the company has introduced absolutely no innovations in sixteen years?  Or is it 2016, and the daughter is being handed a 16-year old Subaru which has magically avoided even the hint of usage- no scratches, no dings- other filthy back seats which apparently NEVER got vacuumed, seeing as the father can pick junk from decades ago off the carpets?

And either way, how does the daughter age 16 years while scruffy hipster doofus dad doesn't age a single DAY?  The admakers couldn't even add a touch of grey to that mop he's wearing on his chin?  And that's another thing- if this is 16 years in the future, and full beards are going to be the style for men in 2032, I am not at all sure I want to live to see it.

This commercial would have had a better ending if it featured Daughter responding to the "gift" of the family Subaru with "um....thanks, dad.  No WiFi capability.  No Bluetooth.  No Sirius XM.  No GPS.  No built-in DVD.  Just an AM/FM radio and built-in cupholders for four.  Wow, I'm going to show really great in the HS parking lot with this ancient LameMobile."

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