Monday, July 18, 2016

I'm not sure what "Presence" means, but apparently it can be bought, so I probably can't afford it anyway

I don't see any "people" in this ad, let alone people whose "presence" or "gravitas" is available to be judged by the viewer.  All I see is yet another commercial for an Audi LookAtMeI'mBetterThanYouMobile and all I hear is yet another Brit droning away at me about why owning a certain car (not just being able to afford one) simply makes you a more substantial person than someone who doesn't.

You see, owning this particular car gives you "presence."  Which makes sense, I suppose, if you plan to leave it parked ostentatiously in the driveway or beep the horn several times as you approach every parking space, so that the plebians will turn and see who gets out of it.  Because after all, if you aren't actually IN the car, how do us non-Audi-owning worms know who we are supposed to respect for their superior Gravitas and Presence?  And if we are just admiring the car for ITS presence, well, what good does that do the rich schmuck who dropped more than I make in a year on its purchase?  Should the owner drive around with his windows down so we can associate him with the awesomeness (and Gravitas) of his automobile?  Should he refrain from sucking down a Slurpee while driving, because I can definitely see that detracting from the effect.

Let's be honest about what these cars are- like mountain-sized pickup trucks and Humvees owned by suburbanites with no actual cargo larger than kids and groceries to haul, they are glaringly obvious compensation for insecure idiots with money burning holes in their pockets and no sense of social responsibility.  Who are impressed by British accents and the theory that they can instantly become more important and worthy of respect by driving a particular car- sure it's expensive, but actually doing something worthy of notice- let alone Gravitas and Presence- takes actual effort.


  1. Argh, and this ad lauds one of my least-favorite philosophies: "Second place is the first loser." Crawl in a hole and die, Audi.

    1. especially since the only requirement for owning an Audi is money.