Saturday, October 14, 2017
Domino's Soft Sell + Hard Sell = No Sale
I couldn't care less how much you love your stores, Dominos franchise owners. Don't care how you got the money to start them up, don't care if they "mean everything to you," and sure as hell don't care that when the order came down from the people who REALLY own the stores to remodel, you were just fine with that.
So now that you've failed to win me over with your Tales of American Entrepreneurship....
I couldn't care less that Domino's sludge factories look more modern now, or include plexiglass partitions to allow stupid gawky kids to stare at the pizza-building monkeys who must really feel like they are in a cage, and wasn't working here for minimum wage humiliating enough without being on display like this?
And I'm sure you think that watching people smash windows and knock down walls in slow motion to some crappy rap song (I don't care how many YouTube commentors desperately "need" the song, btw) is super entertaining and all that, but it's not going to distract us from the simple fact that for all of the Spirit of the Small Businessman, the Glossy New Decor, or the Really Cool Destruction that went into making Domino's Lowest Common Denominator Pizza Distributors look different, this is just an attempt to put a whole lot of lipstick on a really, really ugly pig. Because in the end, this is still just Domino's. Adding giant pans of pasta isn't getting me through that door. Improving the look isn't getting me through that door. The only thing that could get me through that door is decent food- and I notice you aren't talking about making radical improvements to THAT anywhere in these ads.
So I'll continue to pass on the bland, flabby carbs and sugar, sorry. Hope you own the rights to that music, though. There are a lot of idiots on Youtube who apparently are willing to pay for it.