Saturday, October 21, 2017
Why Amazon Go is, in fact, the Mark of the Beast
No, I am not being hyperbolic here. I hate hyperbole. I've said many times that I view hyperbolic people as worse than Stalin. But in fact when preparing to post on this particular ad I considered these alternative titles:
Because you need to justify spending hundreds of dollars a year on "updated" SmartPhones
Because we can't stop "improving" technology until everyone on Earth has lost their job- which will in turn solve all the other problems related to shopping, won't it?
Because you want to limit your social interaction as much as possible but aren't quite ready- or organized enough- to do all your shopping online yet.
Because you need another way to set yourself apart from the Lower Classes who still use stores staffed by actual people.
And settled on something which came close to "this is the end of civilization." It's over. You've already lost your ability to speak to people face to face or even over the phone, and must now express yourself using emojis and #HitAndRunAlmostSentences. You already can't walk and chew gum at the same time without getting Google to explain to you, in step by step instrutions downloaded to that phone, exactly how to go about doing that. Five minutes after chip technology replaced Swiping (which replaced those carbon-paper receipt machines five minutes before that, and which replaced cash and checks five minutes before that) you're ready to be convinced that holding your phone over a scanner for three seconds is So Very Yesterday and An Enormous Time-Wasting Hassle Surely We Can Make Things Go Faster Oh Yay Amazon Go!
Civilization. It was fun while it lasted. Remember people? In the end, I guess we decided that their negatives outweighed their positives, so they just aren't part of our lives anymore. Whatever. It's a beautiful, sunny autumn day, so it's time to check out Netflix.