Tuesday, October 24, 2017
I hope Amazon is Skynet. It would serve us right
Here's another thorougly depressing commercial featuring a piece of technology which went from nonexistent to Absolutely Essential How Did We Ever Live Without this in about fourteen minutes following it's release.
I mean, look at what's going on here- remember how you used to make To Do Lists and then cross off each item as it was completed? Well, that's way too cumbersome for busy 21st century people like these, now you just tell Alexa to cross it off for you. Remember how you didn't know how to spell words and had to ask a fellow human or consult a dictionary? Now you just ask Alexa, there you go. Hell, you just figured out how to send text messages- and now you don't have to anymore, because Alexa (all you had to was figure out how to add all your future ex-friends to Alexa's saved data, but I'm sure that was super easy anyway- nobody in this ad looks or acts like a rocket scientist, after all....)
And thank goodness for Alexa for times like this, because it sure used to be super-awkward to have to call people on the day of a birthday party they were invited to and ask them to bring....candles. Seriously, that happens in this ad. Because Alexa isn't yet capable of producing candles out of thin air for these mouth-breathing, helpless dimwits. Next year.
(Oh and you didn't have to ask Alexa to ask anyone to bring wine, lady. It's a kid's birthday party. The other adults are going to bring wine. Lots of it. They weren't planning on bringing candles- because who the hell forgets candles?- but they were bringing wine.)
Anyway, Alexa never gets shut down for the entire day of prepping for some stupid kid's stupid birthday party, and it's a good thing because it's pretty clear that the adults in this ad couldn't find the oven or the front door without it's assistance. I can't believe that this helplessness-encouraging brain replacement device was produced by the same company that gave us the Kindle at the dawn of this millenium. Oh but they turned that into a television in about fifteen minutes, so maybe I can.