Saturday, May 29, 2021

What Nissan calls "Fiercely Imagined..." just More of the Same Stale Trope we've all seen ten thousand times:  A boring suburban family (being diverse doesn't make you interesting by default, sorry.  It's 2021.  That ship has sailed) overcompensating for their miserably bland existence with an overpriced toy featuring overpriced toys like a dial which allows you to switch from 2-wheel to 4-wheel drive instantly, and never you damn mind that 99.9 percent of the Already Dead Let's Schedule the Funeral losers who are the market audience for this Blandmobile will never, ever have use for more than 2-wheel drive.  Because they won't ever find themselves driving in a desert, up a mountain, or any other interesting place with their Nissan Uppermiddleclassmobile.  They just like to play Pretend with it, and now they can, because it will compensate for your daydreaming with a smart-tech braking system.  It won't compensate for anything else that's lacking in your life- and that's obviously a lot- but it will prevent you from murdering an innocent person with your desperate need to feel like you are doing something adventurous by buying something that screams Safely Conformist Whole Foods Shopper. 

1 comment:

  1. And…what do they do with all this power? They go to a drive-in movie. Exciting.