Friday, June 1, 2012

Best Buy presents the Destroyers of the Universe....

...and wow, are they ever proud of it.

Get a load of these smug assholes.  Each one "created" some pointless, time-and-life-sucking phone add-on designed to create a billion or so witless zombie addicts who simply can't go more than thirty seconds without whipping out their stupid phones to do SOMETHING.  One of them "created the first text message."  Another invented the camera phone (thank goodness, because actual cameras are so big and bulky, not to mention how IMPOSSIBLE it is to transfer photos to Facebook, after all.)  Another added that awesome "innovation" in which your New Best Friend talks to you in a bland, flat yet mysteriously popular digital voice.

Did they all get massively rich off their Amazingly Inventive And Oh So Very Necessary Improvements?  I don't know.  Not necessarily- at the time that little light bulb went off over their heads, they might have been working for a corporation which held ownership rights over everything they came up with while f--ing around with whatever they were supposed to be doing within the four cardboard and fabric walls which made up their cubicle.  I almost hope this is true, and the only real reward these Society-ruining asses can look forward to is repeated showings of this stupid ad.

Because, let's be serious- none of the junk these guys "invented" does anything to make life even a little bit better for anyone, does it?  All these "innovations" do is make life just a little Dumber- life, and the people who seem to spend more and more of their lives squinting at the idiot boxes that fit conveniently in their hands.  Providing "connectivity."  Or something.

So- Modern-day Einsteins?  You'll excuse me if I'm not first to nominate you for the Nobel Prize, ok?  I'll be too busy adding your likenesses to my Museum of Worthless Morons Who May Have Gotten Rich Making Everyone Around Me Spoiled, Clueless, Helpless Dickwads. .  Thanks for nothing.


  1. Modern day Einsteins? Excuse me for a moment while I laugh myself sick. Yeah, very cool that they had the know-how and imagination to come up with text messages and the camera phone. Revolutionize the way we live? Make life better and easier? Not even remotely close (you clearly do not understand the concept of revolutionary) and no, respectively. The only prize these people deserve are a "Good job!" and a raise.

  2. I'm sorry, but do you honestly think Ray Kurzweil's invention in that commercial, which he invented to enable *blind people to read*, is really a shallow and worthless waste of time?

  3. No, which makes me wonder why he is included here.

    "I invented the KFC Double Down Sandwich!"

    "I created an App which allows you to play Angry Birds while your boss thinks you are doing those monthly budget figures!"

    "I developed a drug which helps people manage their diabetes at a very low cost!"

    Which of these things do not belong, kids?

    1. I maintain that the KFC Double Down would be good... if you put it on a bun.

  4. Great. Just what I need to see after the ad for the boner pill: "Hall of Faceless Cogs of the IT Sector."