Saturday, June 16, 2012

You used to try to imagine what kind of dope would buy something from the SkyMall magazine

First part of this commercial is distressingly familiar- upon announcement that the flight's departure will be delayed, everyone on the plane whips out their cell phones. 

Actually, let me take that back- this isn't familiar at all.  The plane is sitting on the ground.  The passengers have not been asked four times to turn off their phones.  Yet, not one of them were yakking or texting away when the announcement concerning the delay came over the intercom.  That's unfamiliar and weird- until we realize that all of the passengers on this particular flight are AARP members.

What the hell?  Why is everyone on the plane an old person?  Suddenly I'm deeply concerned- how many restrooms are on this plane?  Shouldn't they all be lining up now?  And shouldn't the stewardess immediately begin offering the free beverages?  Unless the flight is six hours long, she's not going to have time to get to all the seniors, who will each demand to hear the free drink menu four times before making a decision.

Anyway, they all open their quaint, No Bells or Whistles phones the moment they learn that the plane won't be taking off right away.  Which means they all learn at the same time that nobody has been trying to reach them.  The four of them who know how to text also learn that they have no unread messages.  The other thirty-three are trying to remember how to check, or don't know that "texting" is an option.

One of these little busybodies immediately reaches out to the person across the aisle and chirps "what did we do before cell phones?"  Hmm....maybe what my parents do now- read books and magazines, start up conversations (which have nothing to do with cell phones,) nap?  You know, stuff that's still not a bad idea even now that we HAVE cell phones.

"Two tin cans and a string" is the "comical" response from one curmudgeon.  Oh, really?  There was nothing between tin cans and a string and a cell phone for this guy?  So he was  in a coma from 1880 until the mid-1990s, huh?  But of course, he gets an appreciative chuckle.  I seriously can't wait to acquire my Old Person's Sense of Humor, so I can spend the day thinking every little bit of nonsense I hear that is not uttered by Dennis Miller is funny (Nobody lives to be THAT old.)

There's a few more seconds about how AARP helps dopey, blithering old people get access to cell phones so they can shout into them while sitting in planes, strolling through museums, blocking access to stuff I want at the grocery store, etc. etc. etc.  Making life so much better for everyone, don't you think?

Where IS this plane going, anyway? 


  1. I should hope "Into the ground at Mach 5"; that or "into a mountainside also at Mach 5."