Thursday, June 21, 2012

Google: the perfect choice for forgetful, self-important shmucks

Jeesh, I really hate this guy.

The week he brought his ugly spawn home from the hospital, he took "about a million pictures" of it.  First, you can't hold a baby and take pictures of the thing at the same time.  Which means he was spending a lot of time holding up his phone and snapping pictures and not a whole lot of time actually interacting with his kid.

In other words, this dumbass's definition of "being a father" is a lot different than mine.  And when he says he "never liked anything so much as being a father," I can only assume that he means that he never enjoyed taking photos with his phone so much until he was able to take photos of this little mammal that came out of his wife.

When Dickwad was done "taking about a million pictures" of this kid's face, fist, wrinkled feet, etc. (because you can't get enough of those, can you?)*  he left his phone in the back seat of a taxi.  Which means that for a few minutes, he thought that he left his "million" pictures of his kid in that back seat too.

Except......he continues his yawn-inducing narrative with "I've lost about a million phones," and at this point, what I've lost is any confidence that this guy understands the concept of the term "million."  He's taken a million pictures.  He's lost a million phones.  I'm guessing now that to this dope, the word "million" actually translates to "three."  Which actually makes his obsessive photo-taking a bit easier to take.  Maybe he's shot THREE pictures of his kid.  That, I can understand.

Anyway, the "happy ending" comes when he, and we, learn that the million or three photos doofus took of his ugly little offspring are safe and sound and stored away by Google.   Anyone else find it a tad alarming that when you use this phone, all of the stupid, spur of the moment photos you take are tucked away in some virtual vault, courtesy of Google?  That all of those photos you looked at the next day, realized that you should not have taken, and quickly deleted are still available- probably forever and ever- in the Cloud (if that's not a trademarked term?)  Oh sure, maybe you can go into Google and delete them- or maybe you can't.  Maybe you just think you can.

Not that anyone's ever going to steal the pictures this guy took of his baby.  I mean, who would want to?  After all....

*It's just a baby, and it looks just like every other baby out there.  Don't even try to convince me that it isn't virtually identical to every other white baby on the planet of the same age.  Might as well try to convince me that it's a Miracle.  And we all know that's not about to happen.

(By the way, the narrative style of this commercial really irked me.  I don't know who this guy is.  I don't care what he thinks is important, or how he found himself living a life in which he finds very little to care about.  He sounds depressed to me, but why should I care?  And why should I care about how many photos he took of his kid or how special he thinks being a father is now or how many times he's lost his phone?  What was I supposed to get out of this?)


  1. I know what I got out of it: the realization that Google is just another evil computer company.

  2. First off - If you have an android phone and google+ you can set your phone to automatically upload images after you take them. It's an "option" that is given, it isn't google taking your images and storing them for their benefit. You may want to do a little research prior to throwing your opinion around. Also, you should NOT be alarmed by the fact that google has copies of the pictures. You sign an agreement when you use their product. Terms of service - you should know about those at this point in your life.

    Second, as a father myself I understand that all moments with my children are important TO ME! I wouldn't want all those pictures I took of my kid to be lost forever. He wasn't worried that someone would steal the images. He was worried he would never see them again.

    Also, as a person who evaluates commercials I would expect you to understand that all commercials are a bit exaggerated to make a point so don't go off on any more tangents about the guy taking too many picture instead of spending a lot of time with his kid.... they were illustrating a point and you missed it.

    Lastly, I think the idea of this blog could be great if you tried to be funny rather than just trolling everyone that happens to read a review. Have a little fun with it or are you just a curmudgeon that probably shouldn't write for the public?

  3. I just love the free advice, thanks very much.

    I'll be folding this up now- thanks to your post, I now realize that commercials are supposed to be exaggerations, and are therefore not really subject to criticism.

    I also learned that I signed an agreement with Google when I agreed to use their product. I don't remember doing that, but if you say so, I guess I'll have to accept it as fact. What was the "product" Google offered me, again?

    "I wouldn't want all those pictures I took of my kid to be lost forever." Now you get to tell me why I care, or why your feelings about your pictures of your kid have anything to do with me or my blog.

    " don't go off on any tangents..." Yes, sir. No more tangents, promise. Seriously, if I had known you were paying attention and disapproved, I would never have started this blog in the first place.

    Can I assume you are available to green light any future ideas I might have, because I'm certainly not going to be putting any of them into action before clearing it with you first.

    "Have a little fun with it...or are you just a curmudgeon that probably shouldn't write for the public?" I had no idea I wasn't having fun with this, or that I was writing for some "public."

    If you think this response was rude, you should have seen what I deleted first. I just love getting advice from people I don't know and who don't know me. Mission accomplished, sir. Now feel free to move on to the other 100 million blogs out there- their authors are desperate for your input, I'm sure.

  4. I'm sorry. I should have known that your questions were rhetorical. You didn't really want to know why google was uploading your pictures to the internet. Again, if you use Google+ or have an android phone you are given the option to upload images automatically. You questioned if anyone was a tad bit alarmed - The answer should be "No" as you authorized google to do this.

    Also, Thanks for twisting my words. I was using a general "you" as in "If you use their product, Google+ in this case, then you sign a terms of service - You also sign a terms of service if you have a google account. Anyone that uses google is privy to this information and what I was trying to point out.

    I knew I shouldn't feed the troll but I did it anyway. And yes, you are writing for the public when you put your content on the internet.

  5. You post criticism on MY blog, but I'M the troll?

    Whatever, man.

    You are right about one thing- when I put my words out there, I am writing for the public. Quite correct. And you are a member of the public, and you've given me your advice. I apologize for my overly negative reaction; I don't mind criticism, but I don't like being told what to do with my own blog.

    Hang around, maybe tomorrow's post will be more to your liking.

  6. In all honesty I was answering this question - What was I supposed to get out of this?

    It was impossible to answer that question without pointing out that being negative about a guy loving his kid wasn't going to get you there.
    Also, when I said don't go off on any tangents I was referring to any discourse between us - not your blog. You can say whatever you want but the manner in which you say is going to illicit reaction. Isn't that what you want or were you hoping for across the board agreement or people to just nod and move on. Certainly commercials can be criticized but I was trying to point out that you were criticizing this particular commercial for something all commercials use - exaggeration.

  7. John do you not know that all children are special, wait that would make them all the same. I guess you have to be a father to understand. I am not.

  8. Me neither.

    But my point was not that this guy doesn't love his kid, or doesn't think that his kid is amazing and worthy of "millions" of pictures. My point was "why do I give a damn about this guy and his phone?"