Monday, September 3, 2012

In the world of McDonalds, who ISN'T "smart?"

In the some faraway land I never want to visit, being "smart" means being able to read the Dollar Menu at McDonalds, figuring out that each item on the Dollar Menu costs $1, and buying stuff off that Dollar Menu.  That and being able to come up with dishonest crap responses off the top of your pointed head at a moment's notice.

This guy is sitting on a park bench, trying to enjoy his breakfast in peace in the typical McDonalds customer style- he's got a steaming hot coffee with no lid, and unwrapped food sitting there on the bench next to him getting cold.  If there is one common denominator weaving it's way through each and every one of these McDonalds Dollar Menu ads, it's the apparent determination of the actors sit like zombies with their coffee but never drink it, and never touch their food until it is ice cold.   Whatever.

Anyway, his blank, dullard Waiting For My Coffee To Cool and For the Flies to Find My Food time is suddenly interrupted by the approach of a cute but breathtakingly pretentious newcomer who feels compelled to ask him if he likes the sculpture staring him in his face.  Naturally, the question bowls him over and leaves him grasping for a good reply- not only that, but also convinced that the keen intelligence he displayed minutes earlier in making his food choices ought to now provide him with just the right answer for this person he's presumably never met.  (Personally, I don't know why "I have no opinion on the sculpture, I just sat down at this bench to eat my breakfast, you might as well ask me if I like the sidewalk because that happens to be right here too" would suffice.  That or "no, I don't care for the sculpture, but I wasn't willing to pick up this bench and carry it to one that I like more."

Instead, this guy decides that he's smart enough to vomit out some french phrase he's heard in a hundred different movies and thinks will make him sound intelligent- and because the woman is the pretentious phony I suspected she was, she responds positively to his obvious bullshit.  If I witnessed this scene in real life, I'd point out that before she assumes this guy has class and taste because he can bleat crap in another language, she really ought to check out his breakfast.  But my guess is that she's so desperate for someone to talk to, she probably noted the cheap junk he was (presumably) about to eat and thought "ooohh...brains AND taste!  I'm going after THIS guy!"


  1. "Oh, is that what that thing is? I thought some giant Tetris monster took a dump in the park."

    I can also see her being so desperate, that she waited behind a tree until someone sat on that bench so that she could start a conversation with them. Perhaps if she went with something a little less elitist, like "Nice day, isn't it?", she'd have more success.

  2. So glad you picked this commercial to add to your Gallery of Hate. When I first saw it, I realized I was thinking of it as the kind of commercial you could really rip a new one, and you did not disappoint. Yet another in that endless series of "I'm a geeky guy who's going to try to impress a beautiful female stranger by showing her what a wise, sophisticated consumer I am by making it obvious that I have purchased something no one who was really wise and sophisticated in the real world would buy, but of course she'll be impressed because it's the Sponsor's Product and that's all that matters."

    If guys actually believed these ads, they'd think all they had to do was buy some cheesy product and Playboy centerfolds would follow them around town drooling for attention.

    Oh, wait. I just described the ad for every Axe product ever made.

  3. ...and beer commercial. Especially light beer.

  4. When I first saw this ad, I thought to myself "Well, this is a situation that would never happen in real life." That's when I realized that I was either watching a commercial or a modern romantic comedy.

  5. *facepalm* Yeah, you're so smart, guy. You can successfully order fast food. Now all you need to do is learn how to count to fifty and tie your shoes and you'll be ready to start kindergarten.