Sunday, September 16, 2012

It's What He Does. It Ain't Much

Somehow, this AT&T ad which features a guy who never, ever puts down his phone, no matter what else he's doing, where he is or who he's with, is supposed to convince me to buy my own AT&T phone with 4G or something. I really thought I had the whole commercial concept nailed. I thought that all commercials were designed to convince the viewer that that little something missing in the viewer's life- that something which was keeping the viewer from being absolutely, blissfully happy- was right there on the screen- so buy it, and Be Happy.

But this-- this doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. The doofus ugly schmuck I see on my tv is just looking at his phone. It's summer, and he's staring at the screen. Winter- staring at the screen. At the beach- more quality Phone Time. And on and on and on. Even though I'm aware that there are people out there like this, it's still not an honest ad- because it's clear that a full year goes by, and dumbass phone zombie is still using the same phone. Didn't someone tell him that it's gone through three Upgrades since the beginning of the ad, and the phone he's enjoying at the end of the commercial is really old and slow and will make him show badly for his friends, assuming that he still has any?

I guess I'm just too old to understand commercials like this. All I see is a guy lucky enough to find himself in a variety of cool-looking places, unable to enjoy any of them because he's addicted to his stupid phone. He's even managed to land himself a cute girl, who manages to distract him (at least for a moment) at the end of the ad. I imagine that she predates the addiction and when push comes to shove, he chooses the phone over her. By the way, when push DOES come to shove, I really hope it happens at the top of a jagged cliff. And that she manages to hold on and take him, and his phone, with her. Because I do know people like this. And I really, really hate them.


  1. What they need to make is a commercial just like this one, where some clueless shmuck is just walking along or standing there, staring into his phone the whole time, while wonderous and beautiful things happen around him. The camera then pulls in closer, right into his eye, so all we can see is his eyeball. It then pans back out again. We see him, with about 100 more pounds of weight on him, sitting in a chair in a blank white room, staring intently into his phone, just like in the previous scenes. All the wonder that was going on before is just in his head, but he's so glued to his phone and apps and texing and crap, that he doesn't even know it's not real.

  2. That would be like showing Soda guzzlers with bad teeth and diabetes, or beer drinkers with massive bellies, or McDonalds Dollar Menu devotees with all of the above. Can't stray from the proven formula: Buying This and That assures you eternal youth and popularity, period.

  3. Commercials like these are why I find the movie Wall-E so uplifting. The spacefarers in the movie are just like that: fat (although a lot from lack of gravity) and absorbed in their little worlds. But, when they see that there's more out there beyond the screen, they want to experience real life and leave the screens behind.

  4. The message I get from this ad is "Buy this Phone, and you'll be Immune from Life."