Friday, June 13, 2014

When you spread your "joy," could you keep the f--k out of my neighborhood?

Um, seriously, Nissan?

I have often accused commercial producers of living in some weird fantasy world in which they think people really, really enjoy watching others be total douchnozzles, or at least shrug off the douchnozzlery of society with a shrug, a nod and a "whaddayagonnado?"  But Nissan has really taken it up a notch with this one.

According to this ad, what really makes us happy is listening to other people's taste in music, blaring out of their awesome Bose sound systems installed in their even more awesome Japanese imports.  When we hear it, we smile and give a big thumbs-up because hey, we weren't doing anything like reading or listening to our own music or just thinking and taking in the world.  We were just waiting for someone to come along with speakers big and powerful enough to let us know exactly what someone else likes to listen to, because we all have exactly the same taste in music.*

I know we all have exactly the same taste in music because I ride the DC Metrorail system pretty much every day, and if we didn't all have exactly the same taste in music the very thoughtful dicktards sharing the subway with me wouldn't be so kind as to use earbuds which allow their- umm-- "music" to carry throughout the car.  They'd figure "hey, I want to listen to my sound, but I don't know if anyone else wants to, so I'd better wear actual headphones or turn down my volume."  Thank goodness we all love the same music, huh?

So Nissan has this exactly right, don't they?  We all get a kick of suddenly being jarred by the dulcet tones of heavy bass, or crap '60s music, or whatever, be it at 2 PM or 2 AM, coming past our cars or our homes- doesn't matter, it's great because like I said, we all have the same taste in music and it's all about sharing.  Right?

So why do I hope that the people who made this commercial spent an eternity in a very special hell in which massive car speakers are forever blaring Mony Mony** or something that doesn't have lyrics but is just the rhythmic pounding bass which is mysteriously popular in every suburb in the United States, especially between 1 and 4 AM, when we would probably be deprived of it if not for the very thoughtful people who are kind enough to roll through our neighborhoods with their windows down?  Must be something wrong with me.

*Let's cut to the chase.  People who blare music from leaky earphones or car stereo systems are sociopaths, pure and simple.   They aren't clueless.  They know exactly what they are doing, and they simply don't give a flying damn if they are bothering anyone- in fact, I suspect that bothering people is precisely their goal.   I don't know what caused them to be such bitter, angry dicktards, and I frankly don't really care.  I just hope that there is an afterlife worthy of their deeds waiting for them.

**which eight-year old kids on a school bus are somehow familiar with.  Uh-huh.  WTF-ever, Nissan.


  1. I notice that nobody in this commercial is shown chanting the well-known "dirty phrases" during this song that everybody does when it's played at a dance club or a wedding (to shock all the old people, I guess). Guess they couldn't get it on the air with a busload full of school kids shouting "GET LAID, GET FUCKED!" Yet you know that in real life, that's exactly what would be happening.

    1. In real world, no one blasts music like this anyway. The music being used as a weapon against society has the curse words built in. And if you don't want to hear it while you are eating at an outdoor cafe or trying to sleep, Tough S--t M-F-er check out this bass.